A lot of people are asking "Why? Why do good people have to die?". It's part of life is why. Are some folks taken way to early? Absolutely, and not including myself in that lot. As humans we are a frail lot. No other baby requires the time a human baby does to be able to care for itself. In fact, some never learn how to take care of themselves. We are susceptible to a plethora of illness that 100 years ago would have killed most of us. We aren't as strong as most of the big mammals in the animal kingdom. Our advantage lies in our larger brain pan and it's ability to reason and think in abstract terms. It's what brings us to "Why?". Sometimes there just isn't an answer other than "Well, shit happens don't it?". Because it does. Shit just happens. No matter how we try to rationalize it, or explain it, it just happens. Is it part of a big master plan for each of us individually? It very well could be. I'm a believer in nothing happening without a reason. Does that mean there is a higher power? It certainly does in my mind. If that's God that's fine. If it's just a creator of action that must play itself out, that's fine as well. None of what we do is without reason, nor does it never have no effect. Our hope is that we do a bit better and leave the place better than when we got here. Our little mud ball out here in the universe is different. Any one of a million things just doesn't fall into place exactly right, life doesn't exist here. A bit closer to the sun, it's too hot, a bit farther out, it's too cold. Every meteor strike, every ice age, every warm period, happened for the betterment of the planet and the life that occupies it. That's not random. Random leaves too many variables that can go wrong.
"Why" can also lead to "What if?". What if deals in hypotheticals that can't be proven. "What if I'd been able to be a Marine?" Well, I might not have done the work I do, met the people I have, had the kids I do, or have this blog. Or not. It's the same as asking yourself "What if I'd done X instead of Y?". You'd not be who you are now. Something would have changed and in turn, that would change your outlook on life and work. There are folks thinking "Oh, no, I'd still be the same.". No, no you wouldn't. You'd have altered something basic in your life. Something so tiny you may not know it at first, but it will have an overall impact on who you are right now. It can't be helped. Our experiences make us who we are. I could have changed majors when I was drinking my way out of college (or just stayed at the dorm and studied, but that was no fun) and gone onto being a history instructor. I might have even been good at it, but I'd not be who I am sitting here typing. My entire outlook on life and work would be altered. I know a lot of petroleum engineers. We talk field work, wells and fun stuff like that. I've mentioned before that I could go back to school and learn exactly what they know right out the box. But I've done work and seen things they'll never see, just because I was where I was at the right time. I also listened and learned things from them. Not being so dead set in exactly what I had done over riding new information let me learn a lot. As well as being able to show the engineers an easy, safer way to work. It was a win/win. I'd never gotten there if I'd lived by "What If?". Do I do that? Hell yes I wonder "What if", I'm human. We all wonder about changing things. I don't dwell on it. I think it's a losing proposition. An unprovable scenario. I think "What if" can paralyze your ability to move forward nearly as badly as, and in some cases worse, fearing the unknown
The worse thing about "Why" and "What if" is they can keep you from trying. "What if I fail?". Yeah, what if? Big deal, is it worse to fail or not to try at all? Not to try is far worse. "What if I he/she doesn't feel the same way about me I do them?". Don't ask, or lay your heart out there, you'll never be hurt. You'll also never find the miracle of a solid love. "Why did that happen?". Who knows? Did you learn something from it? If you did it wasn't a total wash out then, was it?
There are so many things that can hold us back from being happy or ourselves. I tried to avoid those, and for the most part I've lived my life on my terms. I spent a lot of time raging against the darkness in spite of not lighting the candle. I learned from those years. You really can draw more with honey than vinegar, it just took me a while to figure that out. I can look back and honestly say I wouldn't change a thing. All the stuff I've done in the past have gone toward my here and now and my future. Everyone can do that. Don't dwell on the what if or why end. Look at it as the lesson you didn't know you were learning. Our ability to look back and say "This is where I made a mistake, I don't have to do that again" is what separates us from the animal kingdom.
I just looked at the biggest "What if" of my life. What if I do the chemo and the clinical study? Well, for certain I was going to be incredibly sick and miserable, and the gain in life would be zero to a little. I decided to say no to those, knowing full well I'm going to die a bit sooner. Yesterday a guy asked me
"What if it would have worked?". I suppose I might have lived a long life. Or been clear 4.5 years, or 5 months and it might come back. I don't dwell on that because my decision was made. I feel it was the correct decision for me. Do you all see how defeatist "Why?" and "What if?" are now? "Why" because in a lot of cases there just isn't an answer. At least not one we can see right away. There's a lot of reasons we can't see right away, and may never see. But somewhere a difference was made in something. "What If?", because it causes us to question things we can't correct. What if deals in the past. It's okay to think "What if", then play out the different scenarios, but in the long run what has that done? Made some great personal fiction for us is what. You can't move yourself forward if you're so worried about things you can't control that they affect your everyday thought process. It's okay to think "what if I do this, what are the consequences?", that's making a plan. It' not okay to constantly go back and worry about "what if I'd done this instead?". That's a loser, you probably already know that answer. The fact that you made a decision and went through with it, right, wrong or indifferent is a major point in your life. It's teaching you how to deal with the things you do. Don't ruin the good lessons by worrying about "What If".
Long and rambling. It's becoming a trade mark.
Carpe Omnia. Might as well, as long as Why and What If stay out of your way
