Or not. Some times it's easier to think it's easy, just so you can give yourself a way out. You know, the old "I started and found out it was much harder to do than I originally thought, but I got it on time, anyway." What? No one has done that if you've had a boss that's hard to work with, the guy you couldn't do anything right, even if you were just doing what he said while he was watching. Sometimes that works, other times you'd be better off if nothing was said. I kind of felt like that the last two or three weeks. I could think of nothing new. Not symptoms, not emotionally, not jack shit. I knew there had to be something, but I couldn't square that away. I'd already gone over I was taking for that, and anxiety, and fifty other other meds that I get now. Okay, not fifty, in fact I'm down to like 6 or 8 on a regular basis. So really, nothing new, right? Or not.
I've not had a day where everything I've cleared out of my of my tracy (which means it's coming out of my trachea or a bit higher than that, closer to my larynx. I know I can't speak but a dozen words or fewer than I can stand a child in pain. It really bleeds, and the pain it takes to clean that up it's just not worth the effort to talk about. In retrospect, yes it is, the bleeding and all is important to talk about. There's something intrinsically wrong with blowing that off. It can be a scary thing to have happen, worse if you're not used to seeing a lot of your own blood, not so scary if you've been prepared to see that kind of thing. My Dr.'s at MD Anderson explained there would be bleeding as this with along. They did say copious amounts, of which I've only had one or two episodes like that. This bleeding is a medium kind of bleed, but it's also all day, every day. Which I'm saying is something that definitely needed talk about. I know I've mentioned it getting more and more heavy out of and into my mouth. That's kind of changed, I get little to no blood in my mouth anymore. I guess that one hard cough blew up whatever was bleeding so much into my mouth, but it's gone. For all practical purposes it has anyway.
So, why do I say this bleeding, out of my trach (I am 100% percent that's where the bleed is now). It's because I am not seeing it anywhere else. Not in my throat or esophagus, just in my trach. It's scary because that is where you're breathing comes through to your lungs. That's damn spooky. If The Damn Cancer cuts off your airway, you die! If it does it slowly (like it is on me) you get used to the short wind, panting like a dog, or weak as a new born kitten. It could also go a long way to helping with anxiety. Mine was brought on by other means. I got excited (no, fools, not "That" way) and felt my neck tighten up. Then my legs got 50 shades of shaky. And finally, like no matter what I did I wasn't getting enough air. It turns out that's not uncommon among people with mouth and/or throat cancer. Normally, that wouldn't have been so bad that I couldn't get over it, but no way. I couldn't shake that irrational fear of drowning. The thing that made it irrational, was my location. There's not a decent river, or stock pond in a couple hundred miles at least. Oh now I have to call Bullshit upon myself. There are a couple of lakes less than 200 miles away. But they might as well have been that far away, no more time than I got to take off. So, to conclude this paragraph, if you read this and it seemed important, go get it done before you turn 40, anyway. Catch it early, do what the Dr's say (if you think you can. then try and do it anyway), it's the easiest way to survive. I say that, and with all honesty, I didn't get a PSA until I was 47 years old. Foolish of me, I know. Get that done BEFORE you turn 40, that test done at 37 or 38 is far more important than you think. Early enough and fast enough, they won't have to cut on you, your secret is early detection. Chen what you think of as needing asked of the pumpers and the forum. If it can wait, I'll close the window of opportunity on the bastard, get all to add on mingus, it's not hard against Mink. LOL
Okey Dokey, let's wrap this up.Today's Blog has been brought to you by Jim Henson's muppets Animal, the letter 200000, and the number Fucktard
