So, I've been sleeping all night, and farting around all day. That's the excuse I'm using for not blogging earlier in the morning. That's my story and I'm stickin to it. There are possibly some extenuating circumstances, but I can't think of any that anyone would believe right off the bat. Actually, I really have been sleeping more at night, and a bit more during the day, which is beginning to not mess up my sleep patterns. That is a bit troubling, but I suppose I'll get used that as well. It is a sign that I'm getting worn out and my body is saying it needs more rest to function properly. My body is doing it's business fighting as hard as it can, which explains why I need more sleep. Weird too, though, but I've not bled any serious amount from my trach, mouth, and throat for a couple of weeks now. Which is fine with me. It's a mess. And since I'm never certain when it's going to come or go, I don't really go many places now. Sadly. The last time I started bleeding really hard, it was trickling down my chin, and enough that a guy in Starbucks's looked at me and asked if I was okay. He wasn't rude, but I couldn't feel the blood trickling down my dang chin. So yeah, it's a little disconcerting when that happens.
The battery on my portable suction went bad, so I traded it with the medical supply company for one that was supposed to work on battery. Strangely, this one won't work on either. I text them, noting. Liz calls yesterday and no one calls back. She called again this morning and was told they probably couldn't find one like the machine I got in Houston. She's about fed up I believe, and I don't blame her. It seems like no one feels like they should go more than the extra bout six inches to help out a client. It's more than just a little frustrating, to say "Screw you" we are are thinking of buying one online and telling the Medical supply company to pick up the one they sent, and stop renting from them. It would be nice if just once someone in the service industry in all walks of life would stop and say, "We don't carry that sir, let me find a way to get it for you." Or if they can't "Sir we don't carry that item, but this is where you can find one" and give you the internet address to the product, or a number of someone that does carry them. I figure I'll have to wait for hell to freeze over before that happens. More of the piss poor service rant that I started
My right jaw is pulling some crazy shit. Way up high, where it attaches to the bone of the skull, I get screaming, blinding pain, that only lasts a second. It hits so hard that I get that white light thing that is there for a second then gone. It's some miserable pain. But, like I say, it only lasts for a second. I'm not certain what it is. Muscular, nerve, fracture. I just don't know. I do know that it's fuckin A painful, and when it hits that "just right" spot, it's almost enough to drive you down to your knees. They've given me some morphine to stick under my tongue when the pain hits. It's pretty stout. I used a little last night and it was "Good night Irene" for me. I'll try it again here shortly, since in the time I started typing this the damn thing has hit me three times and now it's settling in as a dull throb. That's never any fun.
I say possible fracture, because it feels exactly like the last time I set a finger myself after it was broken. That, too, nearly made me pass out, and after a while, settled in on a nice, steady dull throb. Very similar effects and pain levels. Previously, if the left side of my jaw, which is now my left pectoral muscle cramped, it would hurt and if it was strong enough it would feel like it was trying to dislocate my right jaw. It felt like that a couple of days ago, and that was followed by a loud and pretty painful "SNAMP. Makes me wonder if it didn't work on some level. So, anyway, when the Pec cramps now it feels like it did right before the snap, only worse and it lasts longer.
So I'm getting ready to slip some morphine in and probably crash hard for a short bit this morning. I do that with great ease, and not a small amount of excitement.
Book or Rock: If it comes down to you or me surviving, I choose me.
That's not evil or bad or anything like that, it's just how it is. The only person I have to out run is the guy in front of me, and if bad shit was all you have to have rough, life is pretty simple
