Yesterday we went down to sign my will and powers of attorney, as well as a DNR form. It was a great weight off of my shoulders getting all this stuff finalized. It will make everything easier for Liz and the family to deal with all the things that come up in the course of my demise. Everything is pretty well laid out for the family to see and shouldn't cause any rough housing among then children. If there is, I'll come back and haunt the quarrelers to the nth degree. It made Liz cry a little. It was sort of adding to the finality of everything. By me signing all the paperwork that I did, affirmed that my end was coming. If I were to offer any advise it would be, do this all now, while you're healthy. Then it just looks like a wise decision on your part. Waiting until you might be terminal or are terminal just kind of adds to the stress of the moment. It wasn't like Liz and I hadn't already discussed doing this, I just kept getting clean bills of health, and that in turn made me move the Will, and all the DNR and Hospital variances to the darn back burner. Had it been done ahead of time, I wouldn't have been so stressed about getting it done now. It's a shit storm to get all that ironed out after your dead. Don't do that to your family. All told it probably wasn't but 4 hours out of my time to get all this finished. The attorney had more time, but only because of the legal forms that have to be used. I didn't realize that it took so much more than "She gets it all" to have a will finished. That's okay though. It's finished and I, as well as Liz, can relax a bit.
I've had so much fun in my life that it's probably not fair to other folks. I always looked, and still do, for the good in any situation. And as a rule, there is always something funny going on either right in front of you, or just off to the side. For example, I was a pall bearer at Liz's Grandfather Spoonemore's funeral. It's me and 5 other older men. All of them shorter than me, and almost all of them far more weak than I at the time. It had snowed, not unusual in Ks, but they hadn't cleared a path from the road to the grave site either. There are huge above ground headstones in the old cemetery, and a lot of those that are ground level. The old guys are kinda sliding around, and here I am on the rear, trying to steer them toward the grave site without losing anyone. Suddenly they take a bad turn and I find myself sliding across a ground level head stone. "Big Jim. To Know Him Was To Love Him" was who I skidded across. For some reason it struck me funny, and I had a hell of time during the rest of the service to keep from laughing. I'd look at Liz, she'd look at me and start to giggle too.
My daughter Sarah got to have one of those times with my mom when she was dying and stuck in ICU. Sarah is pregnant and mom has her sitting on the edge of her bed. Sarah said they were just kind of talking quietly, mom had her bed moved so she could see out of the room. Sarah says mom grabbed her arm and said "Boy, there are some ugly people around here, aren't there?". That made em both laugh. It was a good thing, that was the last thing Sarah heard from mom, a laugh.
It boils down to what we see as we go about our daily lives. I tend to see the good side in almost everything. The guys at work even got to calling my mantra "It could be worse." as their own. Because, in reality, just about everything could be worse. In the field, if things break down, there's not only oil or water to leak, or a pumping about to crater. One of the guys and I had been going over a pumping unit and I noticed a bad saddle bearing. We noted, too, that another company had given the unit an "all clear" sign. We caught it before it cratered.That's a good thing, because it could have been way worse. The saddle quotes and the beam and weights slide toward the gear box and do a lot more damage.
"Your cancer is back, you've got a year at the most, more likely less". Coulda been worse, I could have had only 6 weeks like my dad had. Everything has a better edge to it than what one might think. Generally it's a lesson to be learned. It's almost always a test of character. That's the better end of "It coulda been worse". You might have thought that there was nothing to be gained from any given situation. Until that type of thing pops up again. Then what you've learned from the first incident comes into play and this time the lesson learned makes the fix that much simpler. It all really can be worse. Nearly everything can be worse. I'm certain there are scenarios that are worse.
I find myself dozing off if I'm setting still in the recliner. I doze while I'm trying to read, while I'm tying the blog. I don't doze while I drive, or even get sleepy. If I did, I'd surrender the keys so fast it'd make your eyes water. I can't think of anything worse than falling asleep at the wheel. Not only do you risk wrecking and killing yourself and your passenger. But how about other drivers? What a shame it would be to kill someone else because you're too stubborn to know when to stop driving. I know I can't drive 11 hours straight like I could in July. That's just not going to happen. I get screaming muscle pain, cramping muscle, even from the pec that's in my mouth. That will cramp just like any other muscle, only this one tries to dislocate what's left of my jaw. That's enough to make your eyes water, I'm hear to tell ya. So I have to either stop and rest, or let someone else drive. And I hate to let others drive. It's something I've had to learn to do, and I'm a slow learners as far as surrendering the wheel goes. Silly, I know, but that's me.
Something to think about: If all your best days are way in the past, and that's all you can relate to, something is terribly wrong with your life. This day, and all the days that follow this day, those are the best days of your life. Is it wrong to remember? Oh hell no it's not. But to make that the focus of everything, isn't healthy in my opinion. The past is there to remember loved ones and good times. It's not something to base all your happiness upon, or to have even been the best times of your life. The best time of my life? Yesterday when Liz and I settled everything that I needed to have signed. The will and all the legal documents that set up how I end my life. Today will be the best day of my life as well. Something will happen that will make me smile, or laugh. And I get to see my kids and Liz face one more time. How do you top that with things that have happened years ago? I can't. And yet all those times were as fun and the times more recent. I just don't relive them over and over to feel good about myself. Last year I was having the best year of my working career. I miss it, simply because I can't work any longer. If I were still working, this year would be the best of my working career. Only because I choose it to be so. Not because 10 or 15 years down the road, I'll look at a picture and say "Man, those were the best time I ever had.". Sorry, I'm not built that way
You all have choices in your life, just as I have had in my life. Whatever you choose, do it with the intent of making it the best choice you've ever made for yourself. Be honest with yourself as well. If it's not working like you'd expected, look and see if it's something you can change within yourself first. If that's not the case, then start looking for something new. There's no use in being in a job or position your simply can't stand.
Love and hugs and all that stuff.
