Well, yeah, but actually it was because I woke up bone dry of anything to write about. "Shut your mouth!" is what I hear people saying. I never had a problem coming up with something to say, right? Ta Da!! The other times I didn't blog, I was either out of town, or sick. Or I just was bored with it. Hard to believe, right? Getting bored with talking about all the changes your body is going through while it decides to kill itself. What could be boring in that? Lots, trust me. It's not enough that the damn thing is wasting itself away on Cancer's behalf, but it lets me know it all the time. And it's a lot of the same stuff over and over. So yeah, I get bored with talking about it. And that, I hope, isn't something you all get from reading the blog. I know it's about education, and trying to die with my boots on and all that, so I hope I don't bore any of you. And honestly, it I don't, then why the hell do I bore myself? Hmmmm, good question. I'll have to think about that.
I also didn't bog yesterday, because I didn't sleep at all the night before. Not a wink. I did take two 15 minute naps yesterday, and slept a good long time overnight. A bit into my normal "drugs, wait two hours, feed" routine. So THAT got shifted a little. Not a bad thing, I don't think. I'm thinking, even thought I've got a lot of housework to do today, that after I drop The Boy off at school, of going and trying to put a little dab of coffee into the Feeding Tube. I generally like the flavor, today I'm going more for the company and the caffeine rush. That should be interesting to say the least. I may come home and have the house looking like Martha Stewart threw up in it......Naw, I don't like all that added stuff. Just cleaned and mopped sounds good. I've met a couple of people that read the blog there, they are interesting to visit with. I didn't know them from sic em, but they asked to be on the FB group, had a couple of mutual friends so I thought "Sure, come play". Nice folk, all in all.
Something that's not out of the ordinary, that I wish was out of the ordinary. The skin around my trach, because it's not a permanent trach, stays damp. From secretions I aspirate, to just plain old sweat. That means it's also gotten paper thin. I have to be careful with what I put on. Generally I put a couple of Band Aids over the area that the trach cover or collar rub the front of my neck. Last night I was too tired, or just plain too lazy to put the fresh band aids on, and this morning when I took it out to clean the trach and put on the clean gauze I saw why I can't do that again. Raw, bloody, sore spot where the outter edge of the trach cover rubbed. Two spots, in fact. So now, after a bit of bacitracin and band aids, all is almost well. Lesson: Don't be too Lazy to do what is needed for the trach area. Interesting side note. My neck is way out of proportion from surgery. Where you all would normally have a trach right out in front, mine sets in about 1/2 an inch. That makes it a bitch to do anything with. It's okay, though, it's not something I can't work around, just a pain in the ass is all. So, with in that area it's a pain in the neck, literally, to take care of the trach and skin around it. Also, something out of the ordinary today. I take off the collar and all to shower. I tried it without taking it off, dumb thing to do, so it goes off now. (side bar, my hole in my throat sets so far back, that without the tube in, if I lean my head too far forward, it shuts off the hole. startling the first time that happened) I did my shower, realized I left the gauze for the tube in the kitchen (no hole cut in it either), and I'm building an inordinate amount of icky shit in my mouth. So, I suction, got back to the bathroom, put the band aids where they need to go, and damn....My trach tube doesn't want to slide right in. WTF? I had to find some slick em to put on it, and it was still a struggle to get it in the hole. (Wise ass remarks are appreciated, but are often best left quiet LOL). First time that's happened. I wonder what the hell? My face and neck are sort of swollen, not like Wednesday when I went in for therapy, but a big swollen. That's what I'm going to blame the trouble on, swollen neck. And yes, it hurt a bit. A feller'd think that after 9.5 months it would be easy to do that daily routine. No, it wasn't. I fear now I'm going to have to change the gauze more than once a day. Looks like starting soon, it's gonna be at least twice a day. Dammit
Liz got me two "Handicapped Parking" placards. At first I looked at them as a sign of defeat. "Damn Cancer has gotten me so weak, that I have to use a walker to go any distance, but now "Handicapped Parking" placards as well? What the fuck?" I don't look at it like that anymore. I can park any damn place I choose. Touche' bitches. I didn't park in the Handicapped spots when I wasn't needing the parking, and generally would call people out on it. Including that great big dude in Starbuck's one morning when I was having coffee on the patio. Perhaps "Jesus Christ, you're so unhealthy you take a handicapped place to go get coffee? I guess the extra 20' walk would have killed your lazy ass", wan't as diplomatic as it could have been. He was miffed and vexed by my statement. To the point of "I'll whip your ass". On the other hand, he moved and cussed my ass with things I didn't think were cuss words until I had time to think about it. I did mention that yes, he could probably whip my ass, but he wasn't going to enjoy it after it was over. It does make people angry when you point out that only an ass hole parks in the handicapped spot when they don't need it. It seems so difficult for some people to do what's right in the first place. Something I don't understand. I don't always get there, but I certainly TRY to do what's right the first time out. So, yes, I use them. I also look around before I park in a spot. If I see an older person looking for a spot to park, I wait to see where they park before I use the Handicapped spot. I don't walk fast anymore, and sometimes it's not easy getting there, but they may be in worse shape than I am. Liz also can use them after I'm gone, if she wants. Not that that would be right, but they don't expire until 2017. Way later than my own expiration date!!
There was a change of plans. I started the blog before I took The Boy to school. He's off to San Angelo today to march at a football game there tonight. So, instead of coffee right after, it is home, blog, coffee. This should be fun. Watching the people have spastic fit over me setting in the Starbucks shoving coffee into my feeding tube. I have had one asshole there, when I was visiting with friends, (okay, they visit, I nod) tell me that was gross and maybe I should do that outside. I wrote, "You're an asshole, maybe you should stop breathing my air" and gave the note to him. He got huffy, said he was going to the manager. Whoooooo, buddy, I was terrified! Of course not. The ladies I was setting with cracked up. One of them knew I ran two guys off from behind the store one morning at 0415, about ten minutes before the girls showed up to get ready to open the store. I might have let it go, since they were behind a fence. You know, out of the breeze and just waiting. But when they saw my headlights, they leaned out, then snapped their heads back really quickly. Something didn't feel right, and being a believer in gut instincts, I hopped out of my truck and headed over to them. Yes, with a weapon, no not a handgun. They split. Suited me, and I waited for the cops to show up, in case they were innocent of thinking about pulling shenanigans. No cops came, I guess maybe they weren't so innocent.
Some of the girls there told me a few weeks ago they never felt unsafe when they saw my truck in the parking lot. They said they knew I'd look after them. Well, yeah, of course I would, but it was really nice they noticed, and more so that they said something about it. The stalker guy doesn't like me, the last thing I heard him say before he left town (no, I did NOT tell him to move out of town) was, "Cancer huh? I guess that cock sucker got what he deserved". Maybe, but I didn't tail two under twenty one year old women around, and take pictures of them going into their home. Or driving to work, or of them coming out of the store after 2300 hrs either. We had a discussion about that one morning when I wasn't working. Out on the patio. No, I never laid a hand upon his person. No, I didn't yell. No, I didn't make idle threats. What I did tell him was, if it didn't stop, there would be no police, just me. The problem he would have was that he'd never know when, how or where. All very calm, and more of a promise than a threat. I have a 27 and a 19 year old daughter. I would hope someone would step up and defend them if I wasn't there, or wasn't able. Right now, I may not be able to beat your ass for screwing with my baby girls, but I can still shoot. Let your imagination run wild with that.
Okay, let's give the wandering blog a shut down for the day. I do have to go try the coffee, and I'd like to nod while some folks and I have conversing. I've got a friend coming to town to help me with the "Good Bye Rock" hamburger and hot dog grill and get together tomorrow. BYOB, of course. Known him for forty years. When I was 13, forty years seemed like an eternity. Now, looking back, it was only a week or so ago. Hmmmmm, topic for tomorrow? Perhaps, and with an update on new and exciting symptoms.
Book Of Rock: Not happy with yourself? Tough shit, quit whining and fix it.
If you're willing to try, I'll help you as much as I can. Otherwise, stop your bitching, it's your life and only you can make it worth living.
Hugs and all that shit. Now go make your day worthy of you.
