Yay!! Hospice came by the house yesterday and got the paperwork started and have begun the palliative care end of things. It's going to be nice for Liz since all the worry about getting formula, feeding bags, and all the little stuff has been taken off her shoulders. It's going to be a slight pain in the ass for me. A nurse will come by a couple times a week to check on me. Generally I'm used to taking care of myself, and knowing when to go to the Doc. But as time moves on, it will be nice to have the nurse check on me. There was one hitch, and no, I was not diplomatic, and it wasn't a big hitch.
"Our physician doesn't like these patches, he'd rather give you something you can put down your tube for pain control". Remember, MY terms, right? "Well, he can shove that idea up his ass. The patches work fine, and they are allowing me to be mobile. I'm not too stoned to drive, go to therapy, and as soon as the ab pull heals, back to the gym. The patches stay!" No, not diplomatic at all. I of course apologized, and explained that after 8 almost 9 months of being told what was best for me, this is one I'm not backing down on. I think they were surprised. My life, my death, my terms. Hospice said right off their job was to make me comfortable. Comfortable at this time is the pain patch. Sorry dudes, no exceptions on this. I'm very happy that Liz is going to get a break from the little day to day stuff we had to put up with since I can't speak well, and certainly not the phone. That ought to put a kick in her step, I hope.
Tomorrow The Lovely and I are going to Kerrville, Tx to see a Highland Game being put on by some of my friends. It's the first time Kerrville is having a games, so they need the support. For me it's nice to get out and watch them throw, even if I can't anymore. These are good athletes, better people, and fun to be around. That's the appeal of the Heavy Athletics to me personally. I was at my best a middle of the road athlete, but I played hard and had fun. Always got good advise, and a lot of laughs. The folks worked at it harder than I did, they continued to improve. I couldn't work that hard at it. The way I'm built, if I work very hard at a sport it slowly loses it's fun level and becomes a chore for me. I get angry with myself. My performance suffers, and I get more angry with myself. It eventually ruins the sport for me and everyone around me. It's why I gave my gold clubs to my son. I lost that ability to have a good time chasing the ball around. The bad shot chapped my ass, which lead to another bad shot, and so on. By the time I DID hit a decent hole, I was so pissed at myself I took no joy in that. I didn't want the sport I enjoyed more than any I've done to get that way with me. God, what a waste of good times and people that would have been. Nope, better to suck and enjoy the personal best moments, than to have a slew of personal best and not enjoy any of them.
My wife's co-workers are in a softball tournament that Liz is going to be at in September. They made the coolest shirt. And I've no way to show it here, dammit. I haven't downloaded any pictures from my phone to the laptop. Oooops, too lazy. Needless to say, it's become quite popular. I think we are gonna sell some for a fundraiser to kind of offset the cost of trips to Houston. That's pretty cool. The shirt made my wife and my eyes leak a little. It's cool, and very sweet that they are using that for their team jersey. Liz is loved at work for sure. Good folks there
I've had weird shit going on. Different that usual, but nothing too major I don't think. My pec muscle that's stuck in my mouth cramps. No big deal, it's done that since they put it in. This has an occasionally rough twist. Twice, it's cramped up really hard and fast, and popped the right side of my jaw out of place and slammed it right back in. Twice more, it's cramped and backed off, then cramped up very slowly, but doesn't stop and does the same thing. pops my right jaw out then back in
Either way it brings stars to my eyes and really smarts. The surgery has readjusted my bio mechanics once again. This time, when they released that pec muscle just a bit, it allowed my neck and shoulder slide back into their proper place. That's created a real ouch in my back between my shoulder blades. Generally I can get that to stop, but after a day of that, I get tired and can't get them to relax and take a pain med to get me over the hump. Apparently, I can't stand that achy feeling shit as well as I thought. Dammit
OH!! Yeah, pet peeve. If I'm talking and you can't understand me, you don't have to say "I'm sorry, I didn't get that". It's not your fault, no need to apologize. I have a form of aphasia. It's okay not to understand me, no one gets everything I say. My wonderful SLP Michelle gets about 60-65% of what I say, more than enough to put into context and catch the other 35%. But, she's trained and has listened to me for the last 3 months, she has a biased ear to begin with, then to me being her patient, it compounds her ability to hear me well. All ya have to do is say "I can't understand you", I'll right it down. No shame or guilt on you're part at all. We'll work around it, and it's no skin off my nose. What is skin off my nose is trying to guess. That frustrates my ass to no end. It's frustrating because I get into the "I'll keep trying to get them to understand" circle instead of just saying, "Read this"
We'll work around that, no big deal. And don't misunderstand, it's awkward and a pain in the ass for your to not understand as well. It's probably a bit embarrassing. I mean, shit, you're trying to hear as well as me trying to speak. a PITA
Here's to hoping I keep the Hospice folks guessing for quite a while. For my city working buddies, TGIF, for the rotary guys, safe shift. For my pumping buds, some of you it is Friday TGIF, for others it's your first Wednesday. Be careful and safe. Traveling friends, keep your mind in the middle, and remember, brakes are a help, not your best friend. Faith winds and following seas.
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