Monday, October 14, 2013

Rain, we need it, but rats all the same

 I broke one of my cardinal rules, partly because I was not feeling well, and in part because my wife had to work Saturday morning from 0230 to 0900. We'd planned on going to see the 50th CAF Airsho on Saturday. I felt kind of puny, and I know Liz was tired, so we opted for a Sunday trip out there. West Texas, 50% chance of rain is deceiving. Normally it wouldn't rain with 50% chance out here than monkeys can fly. We get all settled in, watch 2 aerobatic flights, we can hear them warming up the big Pratt and Whitney's on the bombers to our south, the cloud ceiling made it over 1500' so all looked good for a nice cool day, even if it was a bit overcast. Nope, not happening. It rained a short down pour. We rode that out. Liz and I got to watching the sky to our southwest. Time to go home. So, we missed the Airsho, dammit. Although it came an actual toad strangler of a rain. Flooded streets in Midland and Odessa both. Although six drunks pissing into Wadley street can make it flood. I did notice the River Dentcrest got damn near curb to curb full. It hasn't done that in  a long while. And yes, we needed the rain something fierce. We are six and a half inches shy for the year. And hopefully this will knock some of the pollen out of the air and I'll be less snotty. Silver lining. I did check out how much it cost to ride in a B17 Flying Fortress. $450 to ride in the waist gunner's spot. $625 to ride in the nose gunner/bombardier spot. I decided that it wasn't neat enough to drop that kind of cash upon. Although, man, how cool, right?

  I pissed a couple of people on FaceBook off. And I find through those folks that I'm incredibly rude. I can live with that. I was honest, and when that's considered rude, I'll stick with honest. It started with me asking if anyone knew why President Barack Hussein Obama no longer has is license to practice law. I got a reasonable answer from a guy, then the very next post he put up was "Sorry that such a boring explanation. There may be more to it, but that's all I found". My response was "All I asked for was an answer, I don't give a shit if it's boring or not.". That's apparently rude. The explanation was enough to satisfy me, so why throw in the part about boring unless you're looking for an argument? Boring played no real part in the answer. I was honest in my assessment. That's rude? Perhaps I should practice better diplomacy. On second thought, fuck that. I don't have time to winnow out that which may or may not piss you off. I weary of PC and all the bullshit apologies that are continually being asked for. Be honest. I still sleep as best I can, and although my face is kind of fucked up, I can look myself in the mirror and not be ashamed of who I am. That being said, I am rude. I'm rude in the fact that superfluous comments are always going to get the same type response from me. If I make them, I expect to hear about it as well. That kids, is my political vent. I will try and keep from doing any more like it. No apology is forth coming for the rant. Don't expect to see one.

 Last night my oldest and I were setting on the couch. I made her laugh. I like that. I don't get the opportunity to do that as often as I'd like. Sitting here as I am all silent. And writing a response in the flow of general conversation is difficult. Usually by the time I get something written down, it's moved on and I'm stuck with having people back up and take that in. So mostly I listen. Turns out I've got a whole herd of pretty freakin smart people in my house with me. I really enjoy listening. There's a cadence to the family's conversation. I never noticed that before. Shame on me. Listening to them talk is  almost like hearing the ocean. There are peaks and valleys in the pitch and tone of their speech, as well as in the timing. It's also very relaxing. Of course I pretend not to listen, or pay attention. That helps me listen without injecting anything that would interrupt the flow of conversation.  Since I can't speak well, any remark I can make on the spot generally has to be interpreted for me, and that takes the fun out of it. So I'll set here quietly and listen. That's going to be one of the things I'll miss the most. I'm going to make sure I get to do that every chance I get. This is one of the things I am almost saddened I didn't pay attention to sooner. Bear that in mind, folks, when you're hanging with your families. Unless they are speaking directly to you, just set and listen. It's a nice thing.

 My face is swelling again. For some reason (duh) the fluid won't drain out of it like it does in healthy folks. It's part and parcel, I believe, that my pec in my mouth has been cramping a lot lately. It's miserable when it happens. Mostly because it closes my left eye, and, if it's a big enough cramp, it tries to dislocate my jaw on the right side. Since I don't have a left hand lower mandible, I guess that stands to reason, huh? I don't like it, but I can tolerate it. With my face swelling it can be a pain in the neck (no pun intended) to keep my tongue in my mouth. That's partly because the left side of my tongue is atrophied, and because there's a chance the cancer has gotten in to that part of it. Fortunately what little reconstruction they did back in July has helped that along. I'm actually about in the same place I was prior to surgery in July. When I got back from that, my tongue and neck were in much better shape. Now it's headed the other way. Once again, that's to be expected, and once again, I don't have to like it, but it is what it is. Everything is getting tight on my neck again, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to fix that in the long run. K Tape helps some, and I'm going to start doing that again this week. I just have to have help putting it on. I have to ask for help, damn. After all this, I still hate asking for help. Help is fine for other people, and I'll gladly do what I can for any one of you. I just hate having to have it for myself.
 Yes, I know that the family doesn't mind helping, and that it's their way of showing their love and worry for me. I get all that. I still hate having to have help. It's my flaw, and I revel in it! HA! It's one of the side effects of living as I damn well pleased and without a lot of help. Don't confuse that with the things Liz and I have done. I'd be less a person without Liz help, but that is something entirely different than getting help taking care of myself physically. I generally did pretty much all that on my own. Excluding cancer, I've been to the doctor less than a dozen times since 1979. That's including broken bones. I had to have help yesterday when I had a bout of throwing up. I couldn't rush to the bathroom because I don't have time to get there anymore. One minute I'm fine, in a split second I'm throwing up. Then I need help with getting me something to throw up into, besides a towel I keep with me to cough into. And yes, that chaps my ass. It's a two fold ass chapping as well. One, my body no longer gives me warning when it's going to heave, that chaps me off. Two, having to have help. Plain and simple. Having help when I'm tossing my insides up really frosts my cupcakes. I was the one that is supposed to be helping everyone else in the family, not this way around. I'm slowly, I mean snail slowly, coming to the realization that I'm going to have to have some help after all. Of course, that doesn't mean I have to like it. I do appreciate it greatly, but I don't like it.

 My legs are really going. We walked maybe a mile yesterday, to and from the parking to the air field to watch the air show. By the time we got home, they were jello. I'm assuming that my body needs the energy to run my legs elsewhere, or they wouldn't do that. I noticed when I walk, though, that my distance has been getting lower and lower. To match that, my time to recover is getting longer and longer. The doc and I talked about that, and I know it's going to happen. But I'm startled at how rapidly that's changing. Or, is it that I just now noticed it and it's been going on for some time? Hard to say, but more than likely it's the latter. I'm not so sure that denial isn't slipping in there a little bit. I'm human, mostly, so that isn't so far outside the realm of reality. I'm sure that on some level, even though I'm trying to not deny anything thing that's going on, there is a little denial factoring in. Knowing that, and correcting that are two different things. I work on that daily, so as not to fall into that denial trap that can be far worse for a person in the long run than just facing what is happening full on. I caught the second time cancer came around because I didn't deny that I was feeling run down, and that my throat was getting sore. Taken together, that was my warning flag. If I'd denied that was the case. I'd have croaked way sooner. Then I wouldn't have the fun of writing this blog. And although the reason for the blog is exactly the most fun, sharing it with all of the readers certainly is. Even if at times we don't agree, I'm always glad people are here.

 Enough with the mush.

 Today is Columbus day, Go out and find something new by accident, that's how Columbus found this part of the world, strictly by accident. Miss calculated the circumference of the world. Oooops, new island though. Win!

 In the immortal words of Ben E. Smith food delivery trucks "Eat out more often"

 Fist bump and shit

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