When Tempers flair

  So, I let Mr Temper out of his little hut for a while yesterday and the result is that my sister either blocked me or punted Facebook. Either way, I'm beyond giving a shit anymore. This trying to settle in with keeping people happy for the sake of keeping them happy is a load of horse shit and I'm not doing it any longer. It's tiresome to be the person that always apologizes, the one that's told to "shape up", and   be dishonest with myself. Nope, no longer. "Shape up" is a fucking riot. On that I call "Pot meet Kettle". I'm also weary of putting off how I feel about certain topics in order to keep the family peace. That's not happening any fucking longer either. It appears that it's perfectly okay for part of the family to behave in a certain manner, but let me do that and it's suddenly such a bad thing that I get blacked off a Facebook account. Tough fucking shit. Learn to deal with it. Anytime anyone wants to come sit in my shoes for a week or so, come fucking  at it. Be nice and don't lose your temper though, because that's not how one behaves. Yeah right. The damn drama is why I'm glad Liz and I moved 400 plus miles away. Seeing as how either one of our families has been out here only once in twenty years, this must have been the right choice.

Anyway, my therapy went really well yesterday. We took some measurements on range of motion and those have all improved. The lymphedema therapy went from something that was a positive in helping me heal to more of an aid in pain management. It is very successful in that regard, so the range of motion aspects are really gravy on the taters. When the liquid is aided in draining away from my face and neck, I have far fewer problems with coughing fits. I can breath much better, and I'm not so sure that I am swallowing a very small amount of my own secretions. Those are all in the positive side of things. There are quite a few positive things still going on with me concerning my advancing cancer. They far outweigh the negatives, that's for certain.

 Yesterday I mentioned to my wife that I feel pretty useless around the house. That some of the little things that she and Sarah are doing I could do just as well. Lesson #4,325: If you don't want to do big projects, keep your mouth shut about doing little projects. Why, you ask, do I bring this up? Well, it's really quite simple. I replaced a toilet yesterday with Liz. It took forever, partly because the toilet I replaced had been there since the house was built over 30 years ago, and all the anchor bolts and the like were rusted and nearly falling apart. The valve for the water had to be cut off the water line. Which given the small amount of room for any tools, took me longer than I wanted. I had to stop a lot and let my face, neck, and shoulders quit spasming and to suction my mouth out. I think a lot of bad words ended up in the suction pot as well. All in all it took me about three times longer than it did to replace the one in our bath room about a year and half ago. The $64,000 question is also, Why didn't I replace them both at the same time? The answer is, I don't have a good answer to that.  The toilet works like a charm, and after everything quit screaming at me, I felt good about myself for having done the work. And I know that when I begin to get surges of pain, I'm running out of wind, and I have to stop as often as I did, that my patience with myself and everyone else gets pretty thin. Liz is a trooper, and even though I know I was exasperating to her, she stayed and helped. I owe her a lot of thanks for that. I don't feel quite as useless as I did. That helps my moral a lot more than I think my family knows..

 Twenty seven years ago today I was holding my very own first born baby in my arms. I don't know whether I was more proud, happy, scared shitless, or nervous. I think all of those things wrapped into one. Twenty seven years later and her feet still don't hit the floor when she sits on the couch with me. Although they do go past the edge of the couch now. She's very smart. Often very outspoken. Sometimes frustrating. Always a good mother to my cute and frustrating grandson. I'm glad she's here with me. She dropped a job she loved in Las Vegas to come back home. That's a huge sacrifice, and one I am very humbled over. So, I'll ask her later what she wants for her birthday supper. I may even put on a button up shirt to go out in, instead of just a tee shirt with the collar cut out. That should look a little better. Well, except if we are going to Sonic for Foot Long Chili Cheese Dogs. Then it would be a little over dressed.


 I'm a bit short on topics to discuss today. Partly because I'm still a little steamed over yesterday's shit. Which is really odd for me. I normally don't stay mad for very long. Apparently there is some deep rooted reason I'm angry. I'll sort that out and get over it today. I'm not one to stay pissed off for very long. I may not give a damn about the person or what they do, but I'm not generally mad. Save for a couple of people and things they've pulled over a period of time, and won't change. I'm a bit peeved over that.

  BIG NEWS!!!! Saturday I'll be in Fort Worth at the Women's Team Challenge Highland Games at 1650 Colonial Parkway, Fort Worth. The games start at 0900, I'll be there a bit ahead of that, and will stay as long as my body says to stay. That varies. I may not even be my bouncy self, but I'll be there. God Willin and the Pain Meds don't run dry!

 This is probably the most direct blog about some of my feelings I've written. If it makes you uncomfortable, that's too bad. I said over and over again, I'd be honest with everyone on the blog, so that maybe you'd gain some insight into what may become your own struggle. I hope that some of this is not ever in your future. But at least now you know I've got a temper that just blows a cork now and then. And he can be a nasty mother fucker if I let him. Lately I feel like I need to let him out more often and give him a little more rope. We'll see how that plays out