Things that have changed. Every day something changes for someone. Generally for the the better, and that's a good thing. I'm having a couple of pretty good days this week. Even the day when I was so frustrated and angry was an above average day as far as physically goes. That changes from day to day. I slept off and on nearly all day yesterday. I had three naps the shortest of which was thirty minutes, the longest was over two hours. That's nearly what I get during the night. There's nothing quite like falling asleep when it's daylight, and waking up in the dark. I helped my youngest make a dish that I have been making for almost 20 years. She loves it, so we cooked it together. I really enjoy the process and the smell of about anything cooking. I made a soup for everyone else, since it's been brisk out in the morning. So, when I woke up from my nap, I had the aroma of simmering stew, and Garbage floating around the house. Not trash like Garbage, that's what we call the meal in a single pan. Well, two pans anyway.
So, on with the changes. Some okay, some not so okay. A couple of days ago I finally got my old feeding tube replaced. The Doc says this one should be good for a couple of years. I hope so, since I don't wanna do that again without some demerol or something along hose lines. As I said before, 1/4" hole in the stomach, 1 1/2" bigger piece of rubber inside my stomach. Boy, that did sting some as they pulled it out. That change was okay, not quite 100%, but better than one that concerned me about leaking from the hose itself going bad. I've had a change in the way the lymphedema therapy is working. Not only has it released of lot of fluid trapped in my neck, face, and some of the surgery sites, it's improved my range of motion. Something we weren't even trying to do with it any longer. That kind of change is always nice. Being able to turn my head more is a wonderful thing. I'm not so concerned now about not being able to see as well when I drive. That's always a plus.
Some of the things that aren't so cool this week. The cancer in my tongue is big enough now I can plainly see it. Looks almost like a second tongue. That wasn't that big three weeks ago, I swear. I can't see it, but my throat seems a bit more tight and raw feeling. Bleeding a bit more as I look at how things are going this week. Yes, I'm rehashing some of this, and maybe a lot of it, I don't know. They gave me a steroid to hold down on the swelling and maybe some of the bleeding. That would be nice. Although I have such bad side effects that I hate to bother with them. Really, only one bad side effect. Really, really bad anger issues. I know what to look for now, so maybe I can keep it on an even keel until we seek if they are going to bother me in that manner. I'll dump the damn things so fast it'll make your head swim. My blood Oxygen is all over the place. When I smoked, yet still did rigorous cardio, my Blood ox ran 96-98. Lately it's been in a roller coaster. As low as 91, as high as 95 and everything in-between. I don't know whether to be troubled with that or just let it go and hope for the best. I'm gonna let it go and hope for the best. Worrying about it isn't going to make it any better, and I'm not good at worrying at all. A not so cool change is this tendonitis in my right elbow and forearm. I don't get that at all. It's not like I've been doing things that might need my right arm. But it's tender enough that typing and writing irritate the shit out of it. Go figure that.
Changes too, in the speed with which I wear out. That gets quicker all the time. I didn't notice it much until the last month. Now it's really fast. A brisk walk (brisk for me these days) of half a block and I'm blowing like a horse that just won the Preakness. It takes longer to get rested up from that as well. That gets into my "pissed off meter" pretty deeply. I knew if I went any distance the walker would help me out. I don't like my walker. I still feel like I'm too young to have a walker, and there's no way to make one look cool. None, zero, nada. If I'd use it, I could go at a more brisk pace and farther than I am, and with less effort. I'm going to have to overcome my vanity and start to use the walker, dammit.
My frustration to temper ratio has changed even before the steroid. I'm so very tired of people doing half a job, or ignoring a customer, or with their bull shit "I'm in Midland Tx, I drive like I want" attitude. Or doing a job just not quite finished, then tell me it's all finished. No, it's not quite, 95-8% isn't finished. Lately instead of being laid back about all that, I let my temper loose. Not always nice about that kind of thing any longer. Oddly enough, just a couple months back I was tepid about things like I've typed in here. Not anymore, I go from pretty decent to "If I could I'm rip off your head and shit down the hole" in a matter of a couple of sentences. You may ask, "Why get so wound up?". Because I realized that I have less time now, and that I really never had to put up with incompetent behavior. I didn't use to get wound up at a wait, unless it was grossly incompetent. Now I don't feel like I want to wait in one spot while the people that are supposed to be ready for me dick around for a half an hour.
I find I can get the old Oilfield Ass Eating going by typing or writing it out. That's kind of cool. See, I look at my time and the way I receive my service as if you were one of the contractors we used in the field. Screw around on my time, and I'll kick or your ass so hard you'll have to sneeze to take a leak.
Recapping the week makes it seem, as I read what I've put down, like everything was more bad that good. Not so, the bad time didn't last as long as the good times. That's why they seem fewer when typed out.
In reality, I don't feel as well as I did two months, or hell even three weeks ago. Some days are just a real struggle to even get going. But that's the nature of the cancer, I suppose. It whittles away at you like a guy whittling tooth picks. This is how it's going to be until I reach Critical Mass.
Book Of Rock: When I tell you be ready by X, be there. Anything after that and you're late. No if's ands or buts about it. It's common courtesy. Learn some of it
Hugs and shit