Monday, January 20, 2014

Sunday, Why Does My Jaw Want To Make Me Cry?

 Mental note to self: Never try to write the blog when you are stoned on Morphine. I not only couldn't make hide nor hair of what I'd typed. I couldn't remember typing it. Wow.

   After the big surprise wedding, you know, the one that made my eyes leak, I slept all night (somewhat fitfully, jaw pain), and woke up around 0545. Too late to go get coffee with the boys, so I medicated, fed myself, and had settled in to write the blog and pump a coke down my PEG line, just because I can. I was waiting on Mr and Mrs Chance Smith. Newly created couple, forged in the drought stricken Redneck Paradise, now only a shadow of it's former self. The newlyweds, though, turned the entire day into a beautiful place to be. I'm still awed just a little, to have Stephanie ask me to give her away. Once again, I believe it was to see if they could catch Pop with tears. Not then, but I wiped some away when I turned around. I kept going over the entire day over and over, just to relive the surprise. It was the best kind of surprise. I believe it even made The Lovely cry just a little. Actually, Chance got me right off the bat. Gave me a hug and whispered "We talked about it, and there was no way we would get married unless you could be there with us.". Yep, that got the Old Man for sure and for certain. It was a wonderful day all the way around. And even though I was hurting pretty badly, it wasn't badly enough that I couldn't enjoy all the time I had with my kids, all five of you. Now, if Stephanie and Chance have half the fun Liz and I have had, even counting the not so good times, you're going to have an absolute riot.

  Sunday was a struggle for me all day long. I had hell controlling the bone pain in my jaw. And this morning is shaping up the same way. That lovely thump, thump, thump, along with the constant drone of pain that runs straight up my jaw to the point at which it hooks onto my skull. It was left over from Saturday. Only Sunday was a bit more edgy. I just thought it was a pain yesterday. Monday's pain is trying to top Sunday, only because my body is more competitive. It's not going to let Sunday be an easier day for me than Monday. I'll show em by gosh, and Monday will go down (at least for today) as one of the worst pain days I've had. Back to Sunday.
  Pain wise it was a rough day, but no more rough than I'm having at the moment. I'm still trying to catch up with the pain. I jacked around and let it go more on than off on Saturday, so I could be awake for all the fun. I didn't seem to notice as much on Saturday while I was bewitched by the secretive wedding plans. But when I tried to lie back and sleep, Man, that was another story. Sunday I stayed more awake and tried to get even one step up on the pain management today. I made an error and went to therapy, but that's not until tomorrow morning. Surprise Rock….dang it. The pain thing isn't new, but it's persistence certainly is new.. I'll get it's ass whipped yet. Just as soon as I find the right combination of rest, drugs, and more rest. Other than the bone in my jaw hurting more often and longer periods of time. Listening to everyone cough around here, I feel like I'm in the middle of a chapter in "Camille". I finished the Tamaflu "preventative" dosage.  I didn't get the flu, so it must have done it's job. If I get the flu, at this late date, I'm calling "Bull Shit" on the one that Tamaflu "preventative" dose.
    Later Sunday night, and the day seemed to be terribly long didn't it? Later that night I had a minor coughing spell, and not wanting it to turn into a full blown coughing fit to the point of vomiting, I voted to stay awake. The nice thing about being the only person in my little Republic, I have 100% of the vote regardless of what I'm doing. I am my own benevolent dictator. At least until Liz comes home, that is.

  Okay, going by the day of the week, today is the final day before surgery. Liz and I got up, went and got Kolaches, had some coffee and a bit of a quiet time. Those are always nice for a married couple to have, right before one of them goes under the knife. And mine was knife and robotics with a knife to boot. I'm not bat shit worried, but I'm getting a little anxious, as I'm certain Liz is as well. Sarah, Chance, and Bo show up later that afternoon. All I have is one night left in the hotel, that will leave Liz one more night, on Tuesday night. The cool thing with MD Anderson, they'll let the spouse stay with the patient in the hospital room. That's pretty cool. So, it's my last night to eat what I want, because tomorrow begins the tube. I had Oysters on the half shell (I shared those with Chance), crawfish étouffée, a large bowl of gumbo, and a small order of red beans and rice. That's enough starch at one sitting to iron and press all the shirts in Apache's Houston office.  We stopped to get some ice, soda pop and smokes. I couldn't have anything after midnight, so I burnt down an entire pack of smokes, four liters of Diet Mountain Dew, and laid on the bed to sleep. Sleep I did. The alarm came too damn early, but I showered. Liz and I got ready for the big day. Tomorrow is the end of one ride, and the beginning of another.

     So, I have been told by a few people that knew me and my family when I was a little kid, that I was "busy".  "Busy" hell. I was out to do as many fun things as I was able. I played on the monkey bars at school, trying to get a complete circle on them, (kind of like an 'around the world with a swing set) I'd get close, but no cigar. It occurred to me if I could generate enough speed, I might be able to make it all the way around. Besides there was a cute little girl in third grade that I wanted to show off for. Really, she was cute. So, there were three levels that a person could launch themselves at aiming for the bigger pipe that was the hand over hand place. (there was another with cross bars, we used the round one  for playing chicken)  I planned my solo flight for the afternoon recess, to be finished after my test launches from the variable height bars. The lowest didn't give enough speed since I had to jump almost as much up as out. The middle one was much better, only a little effort in jumping up and a lot more speed going out toward the big bar. Last but not least what the highest bar from the ground that you could jump and grab the big bar. If you jumped too hard though, you'd fly right over the bigger bar and face plant (i don't believe it was face plant in '69) into the ground. Which to a second grade kid seemed like it was between 10' or 1000'. Either way it looked like sudden weather if you messed up.
  Lunch and recess. Time drags eeeeevvvvveeeeerrrrr soooo sllllooooowwwwllllyyyy when you want to do something! Finally!! Afternoon recess! I went over to the monkey bars, because that's where to cute girl played. She and the other 2 or 3, maybe 4 girls played. I fiddled around a little, hand over hand on the easy to reach bars. One time up onto the big bar and did a Special Forces crossing on that bar (who knows if it was or not, I got the Special Forces off of a GI Joe box. In two years he had life like feeling hair, which after a couple of months, we tested a fire bomb to see if his hair survived…neither the hair nor GI Joe survived).  I set myself up just like always, middle bar, double check, cute chick is watching, time to do you're thing. JUMP! It's gonna work! I have…….one hand on the bar…I missed the bar with the other. Okay, some cool shit went on with only one hand on the bar. I had the momentum, I was damn near horizontal when my hand slipped off. But, since I only had ONE hand on the bar, when it came loose I twisted. The ground came up way too fast, and I stuck my right arm out to catch my fall. It caught it perfectly!! And then folded once just behind my wrist a couple of inches, the other time at my elbow. The pain was stunningly fast and harsh. I didn't even have time to cry. I don't remember who carried me back into the school room. I know someone had called my mom, because it wasn't too long and she was there. From my elbow going to my wrist my arm would hang at a funny angle. My wrist was straight, but my hand was closed. Weird. Off we go in Ma and Pa's big assed Buick Electra, snagged Dad at the well he had his rig on doing a work over, and hot footed it for the doctors office. Same guy that set the first one. This time I got to spend the night in the hospital. Also the first time I was ever in a surgical suite. Cool.
  I got to come home the next day. I don't know what they gave me for pain. Probably Baby Aspirin, hell, I don't know. My sister and a couple of her friends came by the house with her. They sorta made a big to do over the poor little boy in the cast. They brought me a cheeseburger and fries from Betty's Place. Kathy made them leave and they all went off on their merry way. It was spring. I missed three weeks or so of school. I was also not to play on the monkey bars anymore. Cast or no cast. This was number two on the broken bone parade, both while playing on the monkey bars. The cute girl was not impressed, alas. On the other hand, all the guys in second grade thought that was the coolest shit they'd ever seen. I'd love to have film of that.

 Quick side note. Back in the day, that little school offered health insurance for children for very little and only a $2 per year. I don't know what the deductible was, but it was cheap, and I believe it covered everything in the hospital. Mom took that out on me every year.

  There it is, The Great Second Grade Monkey Bar Caper. Starring Your's Truly. Also Starring Michele Schrandt as The Cute Girl  (took me the entire blog to remember her name)

Have fun, give each other a big fat hug, and relax                                                            

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