Boy, I'm Clueless!! What Am I Going to Put On The Page?

  Solo, that's how we are supposed to go through life, board everything from ships to planes, to partners in our life. Hide the bad stuff away, only take it out when the pile needs to be added  to, then watch it all come down around our ears. It feels as if a ton of bricks hath fallen upon your psyche. Hoard the problems if you think you can handle the pressure, that  up the road, keeps bringing to the table. I've got news for you brave souls (I've done the hoarding of problems myself). Don't do it. Life can be hard enough as it is without being worn out before the really tough and frightening problems jump up onto the wagon as well. That'll be a break down moment. That's going to leave the person you're trying to help, back dealing with stuff they probably can't handle. Being Caregiver, you've got to take care of yourself first. If you go down, so does the person you're helping. Without you, they'll suffer more than is needed, and you'll feel guilty about that. Don't change your behavior or look to het help your self, because, the person you're helping look after wants to become a bedridden sloth. End it now, for heaven's  sake. Don't diddle around. either, while you do that your husband, wife, daughter, son, or possibly Grandkids are going to have to come to grips with the fact that they've not been as good at keeping an eye on the sick person, as maybe  they should have. Then again, if the primary caretaker isn't keeping up the communication, the secondary and expanded family caretakers aren't going to have a clue what needs taken care of with the sick person. I implore you, caretakers, share, it will allow you and everyone else a break from the numbing treatment and care that a terminal patient will eventually come to need.

    My pain got to the point not much would shut it down like it did four or five months ago, so I asked them yesterday to bump up my meds. I was thinking just the patches, then something morning and evening, and that I could bear. You know, waking up hurting badly in my neck and face and having a bit of Morphine to slow that down. And do the half dose thing once or more a day. The way it used to work, On 175mg per hour Fentanyl,  40 Mg/ml Morphine, Max on the Lortab, that was the first thing in the morning, because my pain was worse then. Then later in the day it was half dose of Morphine, another half dose in the afternoon the at 1900, I'd take the 2 times a day drugs, and I used it the same way I did the morning meds. Off to dreamland, and up at 0200 to 0230 to start my day again as best I could.
   Now, the Patch is stronger, I'm wearing 200 mg/hr for 72 hrs now. They changed the liquid from Morphine to Oxycodone, and the Lortab stays the same. I'm keeping a drug log for the Hospice Dr and PT. If it hangs in there like this, I'll be using about 2/3 less on Lortab than I have been. The stronger Patches and Oxycodone must be doing their job, as I've not used near as much Lortab for break through pain as I had in the past. They aren't leaving me as lethargic either. I'm keeping a usage log on the Oxy, Lortab, and for myself the Ativan. I've been trying to hold off the Ativan but I don't know if I can stop the feeling of an upcoming anxiety attack like I did yesterday. I'm passed the time I normally took the stuff, and my legs are getting to feeling like I need to run a marathon, I've been sweaty, then not sweaty. Hot,cold, hot, cold, and is about to stick with Hot and sweaty. Bad combo if I can't keep them from happening. The next thirty to forty-five minutes will tell the tale. I have a concern, in that if I can keep one attack off,  the next one happen ahead of you, and you want to try and make it quit again. If I get behind on the medication on the anxiety stuff, I'll be standing in a corner breathing so fast I'm about to hyperventilate, and couldn't find up if there was a map and someone leading me there. I hate those fucking anxiety attacks. Not only are they debilitating, but they suck away any of your control. I used to get them trying to read a new recipe for something I wanted to try, or when I was just standing writing a note. I learned to hold it down a bit by swaying left to right. It sets a rhythm that I can adjust my breathing to that speed and I'm not going to have a run away. Oil Field Example of a real runaway, on dry land. It's a smaller version of a gas engine that's come apart for the same reason, only it stayed where it was supposed to remain. My example went like this. I drive up, something just didn't look or feel right. It wasn't, the fly wheel had gone on a walk about. It's not light, there's nothing it won't run over. Unless it's tall and solid.
So, this is what my example did. This 1600 to 1800 pound fly wheel, while the engine is building into a marvelous runaway, breaks off the two safe guards and just keeps making blinding speed, offerings to the Gods of Speed, as it were. Then, finally a weak link, the shoe that slips over the crank shatters, and the flywheel is now going Eleventy bazillion miles per second and jumps off the crank and begins working on it's ultimate freedom, out of the the boxed in frame that it settled into. Why, shoot, that's only three feet deep, a little over half way out. It hits something that gives is a bounce or two and SHAZAM!!!! that bitch is headed down the road. It made it a half mile across pasture where the wet grass, fertilizer and cow shit do their thing , and it slows down a bit more where it finally stops and behaves itself by lying down for a few minutes until we came along to pick it up and get that back where it belongs and pumping my paycheck into the tanks LOL


 So that's a run away. In people its much the same. "I can't let anyone harm my baby!" "We can make him (or her) stew through that shit until I say it's okay and safe out" (which is never. It's never all safe or all evil).

  My advise? Set rules and consequences that everyone under stands and can follow. It's not that tough. We try and make everything so drawn out that it that it is impossible to follow (ask the indians how that  gets proven). Ponder those things for a bit, and until next time

Let the soft rain grown your plants
A gentle hand lead the way
Let the bad thoughts be kept in a jar……two hundred away from you
On Second thought, give the bad thoughts equally to the people who you stolen them from

Hugs and all that fun almost groping.
Later Agitator