Whaaaat?

I've been at this a while now, with the trach tube and all the crap that goes with it. It leaks air and other not so nifty things around it because of the way my neck is built right now. I don't have nice flat spots for it to set snugly against my throat. So it leaks air and everything I aspirate since I can't swallow for shit.  It's a mess, it's uncomfortable and my skin is super easy to cut and teat because it's damp all the time. Oh, the shit you've got to live with, right? WRONG! The docs all told me they couldn't think of a thing to do to fix it. So, like a good patient I believe them. Silly me. I can't wear a standard trach collar, but we have them so sacrifice parts to me that I can use. Last night, I cut a chunk out of the middle of one, cut a cross in the middle of it, slipped the tube through the cross and VIOLA! a bushing that keeps the damn thing from leaking so badly. I'll be damned. I'd thought about that for the last 7 months, but just now did something about it. Shame on me. Those of you that know me well, know that I live to be proven right, just to prove that I can sort out a problem as well as those fold that are trained for it can. Cie la Vie

 Sitting here waiting to go to therapy when what I really want to do is go with my daughter to take the Grandson to his first day at a new school. I loved doing that when the kids were little. I just didn't get to do it often. Liz and I took Sarah to her first day. No hug, no tears, (not from Sarah, a few from Liz) she just marched right in like she owned the place. Same with the other three. Whaaaaaat?? I thought there were to be huge hugs and terrified looks from the kids. I saw more of that from the moms than from the kids. Must be programmed in that the kids generally don't give a shit and have an "Oh look, new people" attitude. We should all be like that. Are they nervous? Hell yes they are! First time in something new, new faces, new rules, and you have to sit for extended periods of time! I'm nervous and I've been out of school longer than a lot of people have been alive.
I've changed jobs in my adult life twice is all. Once when I quit the rig to go to work for Anadarko, the next when they sold my leases to Apache. That's it. If nothing else I'm a stickler for loyalty. But, I was nervous my first day in each place. You have to get to know a new boss, new rules, new people, and I had to sit for extended periods of......Whaaaat?? Like school? Yes, just like school. We should all look at stuff like kids do. Do they like change? No. Will they do it because an adult says to change something big like environment? Yes they will. Why is that? Because they trust us to not let anything bad happen to them is why. We should trust ourselves as well. If we wouldn't let anything bad happen to our kid, why do we believe we might let the same thing happen to ourselves? Yet it's that fear that haunts our minds. Is this the right thing? What if I messed up? What if, what if what if. Trust and buzz kill that damn "what if". What if I get canc...bad choice. What if I step out in front of a bus? What if a meteor falls from the sky and hits me? Or worse, a frozen turd bomb from an air liner. See the problem with "What if?". Hypotheticals are great to work out a scientific experiment. Not so great in real life. Life is what it is, and "What if" is a standard roadblock.

It's gonna be a real short one today. I overslept. Whaaaaat??? Yes, somedays I have hell falling asleep and in return I don't get up at 0330 or 0400. Sometimes it's 0530. It takes me a while to get my crap gathered up in one place and moving. Mostly because I normally don't feel rushed like I am today. It sucks to be rushed. I miss things when I rush. And right now, at home, that's not a big deal. Job wise it was a HUGE deal. Not so much here. Maury will be on tomorrow.

I've found a way to blow off the extra hours now. "Words with Friends". Internet Scrabble. It's worse for me that Candy Crush is for women. Good gravy did I blow some time off yesterday. At least it makes me think

 Y'all have a large time today. What if it was your last?