Man, I'd been getting a realistic amount of sleep at night, and it was good. Saturday night I bomb out about ten, late for me, actually, and don't wake up until 0730. Long sleep. I get my drugs fixed and in, have my morning formula, got the paper, dug out the funnies and went right back out about 0900. Slept until about 1030, had my second feeding of the day, and all this time I'm adding copious amounts of water and liquid in since I'd felt a bit dehydrated when I woke up. That's the way it went all day. I'll bet dollars to donuts I wasn't awake for more than a 45 minute stretch all day long. Throw in hour and a half to three hour naps, and I slept far more than I was awake. So, it's 0230 Monday, and I've been awake since 1800 Sunday. I will burn out about 0800, I can catch a nap right after I feed, then it's Therapy and home by 1100. I'll be bushed. The good thing is, I'll be able to get back on track for my regular sleep pattern on Monday night. Still, it dicks me up, I get irritable for a couple of days after, since I'm not doing anything that would interrupt my normal daily behavior. Hard to tell why I get this way. Cancer? It's currently catching all the shit for things that go wrong with me, whether that's the problem or not. The handiest scapegoat, as it were, may not be the real problem. It could be several things either alone or combined with other things like…..you guessed! cancer. Or hell, maybe I'm getting to be whiney in my old age. What ever the reason, honest or just made up, it's a pain in my ass. Oh well, piss, it's really not a big deal unless my evening cavorting around doesn't let my loving and beautiful wife get the sleep she earns and needs. I would hope that she would tell me. But, there's always the chance that I get bored with the same old routine and this is how I break that up, subconsciously. Far greater minds than mine will have to decipher that shit. It's easier for me to just sit around and dream up shit for other people to think about. I'm the idea man, for sure and for certain.
One thing I'm missing when I sleep is remembering my dreams. I've always had such vivid dreams, and have been able to remember nearly the entire thing. People who study dreams and dreaming also say you can't pick up a dream again if you wake up. I, in my case at least, call bull shit. I've always been able to pick up a dream right where I left it when I fall back asleep. Sometimes they seem to last a long time, other times it's just to put an ending on the dream. Now, is that weird or what? Personally I think it's just pretty neat. I also have been able to, if the dream seemed crucial to me on some level, to see my hands and feet. I've been able to do that for as long as I remember, and several years ago I read an article in National Geographic, I believe, that stated that was a way to control your dreams. If that is the case, I've done that more than just a couple of times. Controlled the direction the dream took, so as to keep it from going willy nilly. How sad would that be, having your dreams run amok? I've had a couple of dreams lately that were on one hand somewhat distressing, and on another were kind of rays of hope. Not that I would wake up completely cured and ready to go back to work. No "Who Shot JR?" dream BS, or like the cheated way that "St. Elsewhere" ended. But, they made me very thoughtful and sorta forced me to look a bit deeper within myself. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but I'm going to talk with the one person who helps me interpret what I dream, and has for a long time. She's fairly spot on with them, and I want to run past her what these mean, or if it's putting pictures to my hopes and desires. Very possible it's that exactly.
I used to dream in both color and black and white. Is that odd, or something normal? I've never really thought about it until lately. It's not worrisome, it just seems sort of strange. I'm curious if anyone else dreams in black and white. I don't know if that's odd, or just really creative. I figure we would all dream in color all the time, since that is how we see the world. Not so for those who are blind or nearly so, or anyone that has a medical condition that precludes seeing colors. But I figure that the majority of us see in color and dream that way. One of the things I'll be looking into when I get to the other side of things. I'll also be hunting for a way to communicate with folks on this side. I'm sure there's a phone booth somewhere with the prefix for the living
BREAK TIME!!! DRUGS, FEED, AND A NICE WARM SHOWER!! I SHALL RETURN!!!
I am back. Boy, that was a long break. Then again, the longer I am up and around, enjoying myself just hanging around, the more quickly I wear out. One would say "Holy shit!!! I get that way as well, you bozo!" Then we'd all have a laugh, with me laughing the loudest. Or at least I hope so. being able to laugh is about the only thing that keeps me together during all the crap that goes along with waiting around for the old shades to be drawn one last time. I truly am tired. That part gets worse all the time. Or better, I suppose, depending upon ones ability to get over being tired. (originally, that wasn't a problem, now it seems to be.) Good grief, I'm almost as far into this as I can stand. I'm oscillating between sleep, nearly asleep, and out cold that's an old dead trick to pull on a fella.
Okay, that's it. I've fallen asleep enough times and with one of them I had two and half pages of "ssssssssssssssssss………". So no, I'm finished for the day. My wide awake has gone out for the evening. Until tomorrow, or possible the next. Or in a few at the worst, goof night America, and all the ships at sea (yep, plagiarized) sorry Edward R. Murrow, but that's too good of a line to let go.
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