Thursday, November 13, 2014

We Have Reached Terminal Velocity

Well, Dad, you left me with this task, that, at the time, I thought would be a walk in the park. After all, I have been writing since forever and you helped me form that skill. But now, I am sitting here staring at a computer screen, writing a sentence, deleting, writing a sentence, cussing, and then deleting. You gave me some really huge boots to fill in this arena. I don't know if you looked at how many followers you have...but it is quite a few. And in my head I can hear you saying, "It's time to shit or get off the pot." So I guess I will do just that....

For weeks everyone has been sharing their stories about you and how much you mean to them. Everyone has a Rocky that makes you smile and get a little teary eyed because you can relate, but each story is unique. You seem to have been a best friend to more people than you know. You touched their lives in a way that most only dream of being able to do. I have always known that you were a great guy and the last few weeks have shown that I was right.

You have always been so humble. If anyone paid you a compliment you would shrug it off and say that it is just what you do. But I have yet to see as much compassion and kindness in anyone, as you. And, don't get a big head now, because you were not perfect, none of us are, but you sure did give me something to look up to. I hope some day I can change just one life for the better, because you changed quite a few.

I carry the last note you wrote to me in my purse. And I read it about 36 times on Tuesday. I wanted to tell everyone at your memorial service how much you meant to me and how much I was going to miss you. I struggled for DAYS to write something down that would be meaningful and poignant. Yet I couldn't put a pen to paper. I couldn't come up with anything. There were no words. I just read and re-read, "None of that. One of us has to stay strong to show the kids. Ain't it been a run?" So I went up there, in front of all those people, and I read what Chance wrote. I had the shaky cry voice, but I didn't shed a tear. And then I tried to say something...but it didn't come out right. You would have never guessed I was in speech and debate for 6 years. I know you would tell me that it was perfect, short and sweet and to the point. But, much like you, I am my own worst critic and I am pretty damn disappointed. The only thing that really made any sense and meant anywhere near what I wanted it to, is that a Dad is a girl's first hero, and I lost mine. You are my hero. Now and forever.

Liz and I found a note you left about your last blog and it had the lyrics to The End by The Doors. Funny, because at this very moment The Doors are playing on my computer. (LA Woman, so not nearly as fitting, but can never go wrong with Jim Morrison) Thanks for not making me struggle with how to wrap this up. Because there is nothing more fitting than this...

This is the end 
Beautiful friend 
This is the end 
My only friend, the end 

Of our elaborate plans, the end 
Of everything that stands, the end 
No safety or surprise, the end 
I'll never look into your eyes...again 

Can you picture what will be 
So limitless and free 

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