Tuesday, October 28, 2014
The Long Hard Ride
This is the long, hard road toward Critical Mass. No, that's a lie, I'm already on the road and am achieving Critical Mass. This is where I lie and here is where I'll give up the Ghost. It bothers me more that the loving family has to get on board with me on this road. It's why it becomes "The Road, Long and Hard" for myself. It's already been tough for me, and is just now becoming very difficult for my poor family. Shit, this is old hat for me, I've had a year plus to work this out. In fact, this is the week we sent off the biopsy for diagnosis. Got it back November 8, 2014. That set the ball rolling for Liz and I. I took over the physical end, Liz took care of all the insurance, and all the hard stuff, so we could work on getting me healed up. Whoops, healed up went to hell in a hand basket. The damn stuff came back in July 2013. Clear in May, cancer again in July.
That's bad enough, right? Hell yes it is, but worse was keeping how far it spread, and how quickly it got there. Being left in the dark really pisses me off. It went all over all at once, or so it seemed. Getting Hospice set up and running was a good decision. It's given us all a little back up and a bit more time to become adjusted to my dying. That's a hard thing to come head to head with. I like it, though. Let's stand up and duke it out. I can do that, and damn well if I can get the jump on the ass whipping. Baxter the Bastard Cancer got knocked back a little, and it took him down for 12 or thirteen months longer than anyone thought would happen. All the while I'm feeling myself going. Not a bad thing for me, but (and it's a big but) it caused me to leave the family out of what was happening. I had to in order to concentrate upon my fight. That was a bad thing. Liz noticed, but not as much as was actually there, I'm afraid. Then really, what moron cuts the love of his life from the fight of his life? Well, this one, that's what kind of moron.
While not my normal level of being a moron, it came close. What I did find at the end of this road was a fork. I weighed, measured, and found myself slipping up the left side, since it hadn't been traveled in a while. Found some interesting things there on my way about that "less traveled" thing as well. Like the fact there aren't many folk on that road. The reason being, I got more charmed life than I have good sense, it was the the right way. That road is always harder, more difficult, fraught with the ever widening range of shit people toss at each other, and what a shame that is going to turn out to be as we all find we've left a bit of bad on that fence as well. It'll look horrid back a bit, but in time will look much better as the "Right Road" folk come and go, the road gets a little more travel, and the people take pride in themselves once again. It's gonna happen, just watch, work, and repair, it can be fix itself. (or go see it yourself and learn how hard the work is to continue being The Right Road.
More soon. There is always is something else HA!