Sleep eluded me last night. Mental note to self. Until it becomes absolutely necessary, no napping in the afternoon, regardless of how badly you feel. Sleep at night, play during the day. Back in the old days, it was sleep a little at night, play during the day and night both. Wow, that's been a long time ago since I've been able to do that. My how the mighty have fallen! HA!
Interesting day yesterday. I woke up, did the morning constitutional, went for a walk and came home. Wow, did I mention stomach cramps started about 5 minutes after I sat down? No? Why yes they did. I am not certain what it was. Theories range from "OOOOO! That aloe water is a cleanser! I shoulda put a warning label on that!" to my favorite"Who the hell knows why?". I learned a new version of the Green Apple Quick Step. So it wasn't an entire loss. But it did wear me clear out. Hence the big nap at 2 PM. And why I'm still awake now. Go figgar.
We were setting around talking about insurance last night. My wife's hospital will no longer carry spouses on their insurance. Obamacare has seen to that with the increase in expense. She's checking on dependents. Some win for the entire nation, and I told people it was going to be a load of shit from the get go. So much for getting what you wish for, right kids? Anyway, I digress. We were talking about that and I flippantly said "I need to be dead by then". Stares of total disbelief, and shock. Sarah says "But we don't want you to die". Strangely enough, me either, but that's not reality. So, my six year old grandson chimes in with "When your dad dies, that's it, game over". I, of course, cracked up. I mean, physically he's correct. And for all the speculation, I don't think anyone knows for sure about the after life. I have promised, if I'm able, to at least let some folks know what goes on and how it is. If I ask for hot dogs and sticks, because we roast down here, it wasn't as I had planned. And THAT should stir some folks up. And to them I would say, "Relax, have a good time. When the time comes that we can't kid about ourselves, it's time to hang it up anyway."
Later I asked him if I could come back and hang out for a while. He read that and looked at me all serious, "No. Because when you're dead, you don't want to do anything anyway". That made a lot of sense. And as my friend Barry said on FaceBook "Heck, I don't want to do anything and I'm still kicking!". To that I can relate as well. I think we all sweat what's coming because we simply aren't certain of what's next. What if it's truly the big nothing? What if there really is hell? And more frightening I think...What if we are really judged? Some folks will claim they know, but that's more a hope, I believe. So, I'm going to let the young man, when he's old enough to understand, decide what he believes. This, BTW, is not open for debate. Everyone is allowed to believe what they wish around me, and I don't criticize or ask for any explanation from them. So today, this topic is closed as of this sentence. Sorry, gang, but it got damn ugly last time, and I won't stand for anymore of that from any person.
Why some people are so fearful of death is beyond me. It's the tail end of life. Anyone born is going to die at some point or another. And I find that the kids are generally the most accepting of that. Is it because they haven't seen it closely enough? Maybe that is it. Kids have pets die though, while it's sad, I think they also see that life didn't stop, that it goes on. So, being the adaptable little devils they are, they just move on and keep going forward. More adults should do that. I will, however, make exception with the death of a child. I don't think that's something I could handle well. And I thank my lucky stars that I never did have to deal with it. For my friends who have, God bless you, you're strong people. We are all getting older. In another 10-15 years we are all going to see a big increase in the number of people we know who are going to pass on to the next big adventure. We should all be bracing ourselves for that, because it's as inevitable as the rising of the sun. And how we treat death, says much about how we live, I think. I figure we should grieve for ourselves, which we do I think. We should also celebrate the life of the departed. How? By being better than the person the wanted up to be. Live our lives, not just get by with material things, but really live it. Get the wind in your hair, eat something you never have tried (for me, chocolate grasshoppers just didn't cut it. Calf fries, on the other hand, done correctly, are damn hard to turn down). If you're not happy with your lot in life, change it. If it's a money thing, find something that pays more. If it's something you love doing, money shouldn't be that big an issue, should it?
I would have sworn, yesterday, that things really are moving along faster than I, or the doctors, expected. Now I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm sleep deprived, sure. But that I can fix. I still feel weird, but all over weird, not just centralized weird. That may mean some kind of bug. Who knows? This I do know, I don't have the stamina, or energy I did a month ago. I can feel it in my legs. They get rubbery way too fast. And that makes me tired. Very tired.
Okay, this is my last trip to Kansas. There won't be anymore any time, any place. Unless I go in an urn. That being said, the "Last Meet And Greet of Rock's Life" will be at the Lake Park in McPherson Kansas, Saturday September 28 during The McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games. I've got to write a little something for the AD's, athletes, and crowd for these guys. I would have for Arlington, but I had high hopes of surviving when I was at those.
It'll be a tough one to write. I'm gonna miss everyone there.
So, as I work on getting myself ready for what I swore I wouldn't do, nap during the day, here are your marching orders.
Book of Rock, Chapter 45, verse 135. "Throw down or sit down, I'm tired of your mouth". That's how you should treat your life. It's a struggle sometimes, don't let it scare you into setting down.