Okay, this is a time of lasts and firsts. I've got a lot of last time things I'm working on finishing. It's easy to keep up with folks via Facebook and the internet, but I still like to "press the flesh". Yes, that makes my eyes leak copious amounts of water. And I've decided instead of walking away like I did in McPherson, and leaving my wife holding the bag for me, I'll stay and let them leak. After all, some of these meetings may be our last in person. My friends deserve better than my back because I'm too self centered to let the water works start. I can fix that. That's one of the firsts, for certain. I've always felt that when someone was crying I should try and fix it so they didn't cry any longer. I can't fix this. I'm dying, it's miserable, sometimes I get incredibly sad, why wouldn't I share that with people who care about me and my family? I'm stubborn, that's why. And a little selfish. I've always considered my tears my own, and I don't like to share them with anyone. Through this entire thing, I don't think Liz has caught me welled up more than a couple of times. One of them I couldn't stop. I heard my own voice. Not the one I have now, this one sucks and is getting worse. I hate that people feel bad when I speak and they say "I'm sorry, I didn't get any of that". It makes them feel badly and in some cases they turn a bit red from embarrassment. I'll tell you today, don't feel that way at all. I know what I want to say, and to me 99% of it comes out clear. I know that's not the case, it's why I carry a pad and pen, so we can communicate. So, lay off feeling guilty or sad that you can't understand me. We will make do, somehow. Don't think another thing about it.
On the new front. Well, it seems like the old body has all kinds of tricks it's yet to show me. I don't know what it is, but I've been so snot filled lately that I choke on the darn stuff. That's new, even when things were blooming, in harvest, or being let lay fallow, I didn't have this kind of problem. Not just the swallowing part either, but the incredible increase in shear volume. It's making it hard to sleep, without constant interruption. I'm no stranger to interrupted sleep insomnia, I've had that for years. But to wake up feeling like you're choking, that's something else entirely. I'm gonna have to move back to the recliner full time, so The Lovely can get all the rest she needs. The other first is finding out I can sleep at lot, not just at on long stretch, which I prefer. Sometimes it's okay, but, like this morning I dropped off and slept so long I missed taking The Boy to school. I hate when I do that, and it's becoming more frequent. I'm told that's normal, and since the cancer is moving along at it's own pace, so will my ability to just drop off at will. Even with no place to go, in particular, and as fast as I wear out, it's one of the things I'm finding I don't like at all. "Well, this is just part of the process" is becoming a phrase that I will hear more often now as well. And it's not a process I can slow down or stop at this point. That giving up control thing really sucks panda ass.
Everyones world changes for them, almost daily, but most of the time it's too small to even notice. Such as, most of us feel a little less spry than we did even 5 years ago. With the exception of a couple of people I know, they are the exceptions that prove the rule. Things like moving a little slower, or having more creaks and pops while we work or stand up. You might even think, "Damn, this just started" when in fact it's just the first you've noticed it. With me it's like the getting tired faster and taking longer to recover. Looking back it wasn't just BAM, I can't do that as well anymore. And if I'm honest with myself, most of what I have going on now was several weeks in the making and not just popping up over night. For a while I've been having to force myself to use all 8 cans of formula daily to eat. Yesterday was truly the first time, though, to only slug down six. I was just too tired, my mouth and throat ached and I wasn't hungry. That's a first of literally making the decision to no eat. There have been days when I've forgotten, but none that were intentional. My changes, and I'm sure they build up if I'd pay attention, seem to come in spurts. Several things that are happening, I don't recall happening with any frequency early on. Some of the things I can take in stride, others are kind of shocking to me. Like the recovery time. I know in my mind that's going to happen, but I don't recall it taking this long to recover after trips. It's been 2 months since my last trip to Houston, and I know that it took one solid day to recover. I'm headed into the sixth day since we started the Kansas trip, and I'm not back to where I was, yet. I may not get there, either. It appears that road trips wear me out physically. So, one more trip in October and I figure I'll have to stop those.
I also find I've got a great network of friends both old and new. It's amazing and humbling, and I thank all of you for letting me be part of your life. It's a great feeling and one I hope I can live up to in your eyes. Seems like you all look past my faults and foibles, and that's the best gift ever. The folks at McPherson Highland Games, they surprised me twice. Once on Saturday and once on Sunday. I never expect the kindness, because, to me, I'm still just another guy on the field. They are great folks indeed. And the same hold true for all my friends, old and new. It's great and I appreciate each and every one of you guys. It's been a long time coming for me to admit I can't do everything alone, and actually do need some help from time to time. Thanks for being patient with me. I may be hard headed, but I see the light eventually. Family and friends, the two greatest treasures a person can have. I'm wealthy beyond measure. That's a damn good thing.
Okay, I've dosed off twice writing this darn thing, once for over two hours. I'm boring myself to death.
Orders for the day: Give someone a hug, can't hurt either one of you. WAIT!! Be careful with that. In this day and age some dipshit is libel to sue you for sexual harassment! You get the idea though. Try making someone feel good. It may only be a couple of words. But you can change someone's day with a kind statement or a hug. Be cool, hear?
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Crapola
Well, as fun as the weekend was there are ramifications that come with enjoying ones self, particularly if you're carting around an active cancer in your body. I don't recover well, not like I did even three weeks ago, and some worse than even a week ago. I've got one trip left in me, and I'm making that trip even if I have to cart along the walker to get there. It's important to me, there are people I need to see. I feel that I may be trapped and can't get away from them when my eyes begin to leak, like I could at McPherson. In retrospect, I should have just let the tears fall, rather than walk away like I did. That was rude of me and I apologize. I hate to cry. A lot of finality showed up at McPherson, not that I didn't know that was going to be the case, but it's still a bit shocking.
Liz took Monday off so she could kind of rest up as well. It was a long drive home Sunday, and I was so beat she had to do the majority of the driving. So, we plan to do a couple of things. One was take her car down to get the tires rebalanced and rotated. I get to the tire shop and start to cough. Of course I didn't bring my suction, because that wasn't going to happen, right? Wrong! It was a particularly long and hard coughing session. I finally coughed up the culprit. A large blood soaked mucus patch. I know this isn't the best thing to read before breakfast, but y'all seemed to like that I was open and honest. The fact is, I'm bleeding more and this is something that happens at least once a week now, instead of every couple of weeks. And I bleed a bit longer, and a bit harder every time. This is only going to get worse, I'm told. I'm not afraid of that, other than it's a major pain in the ass. Liz got in the car so I could take us to breakfast, which wasn't happening now, obviously, and said "wow, that's a lot of blood this morning.". Yes it was, and it hung in there until almost noon. That's about double the length of time it was before. Generally a couple of hours, not 4.5 or five hours. It's a sign the cancer is still hangin in there and moving it's miserable self along at a nice steady pace. Maybe even picking up a bit. So, that shut down anything I was really wanting to do yesterday with Liz. What I did do was sleep an inordinate amount, because I was so exhausted from the trip. Okay, and from bleeding and coughing so hard. It cost me going in for a lymphedema treatment, which helps control my pain. I like that part, since without it I've been into my "break out" pain med more often than normal.
There are things within this blog that I'm not entirely "open and honest" about. Not that I lie about anything, but that I just don't want to share. If it's important for people to know health wise, or attitude wise, I'll share it with you. After all, I set this up as a place to learn something about me, and hopefully about yourself as a reader. If that's working, then I'm pretty pleased with the overall idea of the blog. However, there are somethings that I have to deal with first, so as to get my mind in the middle and leave it there so I don't get thrown and stomped. I get to them eventually, well, most of them anyway. But I need some time of my own to figure out how I'm going to handle them before I write about my experiences with what's going on. I'm hoping everyone understands that. I'm used to doing things on my own without a lot of help. So this whole Hospice thing is still bugging me a little. I even like my nurse, she's a very nice person and almost mother hens me. In some regards that's kind of nice. The other side of me that's not so welcome. The side that says, "Do this yourself, pussy", he doesn't like help and generally rails against it. Although that side is getting to be a lot more quiet than it used to be. I figure it's smart enough to know it can't do this alone like we used to do things.
I also try to keep from the blog that I'm sliding downhill. To me this is supposed to be a blog about educating folks so they don't fear the process if they or a loved one gets into this situation. In my mind saying "Fuck, I'm in bad shape today" isn't inspiring. It's honest, but not much in the lines of inspiration. It also turns out that I underestimated the fact that in being 99% open, that it wasn't hard to read between the lines and people could tell when I was having a rough time and when I wasn't. So I'll kick that to the boards and I'll come right out and say, "I'm not doing well today", and hopefully have something figured out to make that a better situation. I did that yesterday. I was stuck at home, but I also got to read a bit, let my body heal up some, and got myself to the point that by late afternoon I was feeling my oats just a bit. That's always a good thing. I think that as time goes by and the end gets closer, I'm going to have few moments, and shorter lived moments, when I feel my oats. I should be reveling in those as they come along instead of wishing they were longer. That's more my style anyway. To jump on the good time and ride it into the ground. Not giving the good moments any rest until they are played completely out. I may pay a physical price for those times, but it's worth far more to me than being worn out and hacking up blood than to miss having a laugh or some fun of some kind. Even if it's just startling the piss out of my oldest daughter. She's easy that way HA! I don't know who I thought I was fooling by not being open about how I feel from day to day. It certainly isn't The Lovely, or the readers of the blog. Must have been myself, thinking "Well, what they don't know can't hurt". Except that I have very intelligent readers, and I can't pull the wool over their eyes any more than I can The Lovely. So, I'll work on that a bit.
So, here's my new game plan. To still keep a positive attitude, but be more honest and open with all of you about how things are progressing. It's all part of the process, and how am I going to impart how things are going if I'm not right there letting all the symptoms, bad and good, lead the way, right?
I'll be more open to letting my eyes leak in front of people as well. Gee, it turns out maybe they wanna share a little boo hoo with me. By walking away and not letting people share that moment with me I was being selfish. If this blog and my flight toward Terminal Velocity means anything, it should mean that we all share together, not just at my whim or fancy. Especially if people have traveled to see me. I apologize for leaving you folks sitting on Saturday. I should have stuck it out and let the eyes leak. I'll do that from now on. And believe me, I hate to fucking cry, always have and always will. So I'm gonna give that discomfort up so we can all be miserable together. How's that for a deal?
Today's marching orders!! Somewhere there's something just dying to be noticed. A sunset, a sunrise, a flower, a cute kid....something. Take the time to stop just for a second and give it a look. On our way home, light was getting low in the sky around the Canadian River valley. Beautiful. I'm glad I got to see that. And it was just aching for someone to take a long look at it. So I did . Those are your orders for today. DISMISSED
Liz took Monday off so she could kind of rest up as well. It was a long drive home Sunday, and I was so beat she had to do the majority of the driving. So, we plan to do a couple of things. One was take her car down to get the tires rebalanced and rotated. I get to the tire shop and start to cough. Of course I didn't bring my suction, because that wasn't going to happen, right? Wrong! It was a particularly long and hard coughing session. I finally coughed up the culprit. A large blood soaked mucus patch. I know this isn't the best thing to read before breakfast, but y'all seemed to like that I was open and honest. The fact is, I'm bleeding more and this is something that happens at least once a week now, instead of every couple of weeks. And I bleed a bit longer, and a bit harder every time. This is only going to get worse, I'm told. I'm not afraid of that, other than it's a major pain in the ass. Liz got in the car so I could take us to breakfast, which wasn't happening now, obviously, and said "wow, that's a lot of blood this morning.". Yes it was, and it hung in there until almost noon. That's about double the length of time it was before. Generally a couple of hours, not 4.5 or five hours. It's a sign the cancer is still hangin in there and moving it's miserable self along at a nice steady pace. Maybe even picking up a bit. So, that shut down anything I was really wanting to do yesterday with Liz. What I did do was sleep an inordinate amount, because I was so exhausted from the trip. Okay, and from bleeding and coughing so hard. It cost me going in for a lymphedema treatment, which helps control my pain. I like that part, since without it I've been into my "break out" pain med more often than normal.
There are things within this blog that I'm not entirely "open and honest" about. Not that I lie about anything, but that I just don't want to share. If it's important for people to know health wise, or attitude wise, I'll share it with you. After all, I set this up as a place to learn something about me, and hopefully about yourself as a reader. If that's working, then I'm pretty pleased with the overall idea of the blog. However, there are somethings that I have to deal with first, so as to get my mind in the middle and leave it there so I don't get thrown and stomped. I get to them eventually, well, most of them anyway. But I need some time of my own to figure out how I'm going to handle them before I write about my experiences with what's going on. I'm hoping everyone understands that. I'm used to doing things on my own without a lot of help. So this whole Hospice thing is still bugging me a little. I even like my nurse, she's a very nice person and almost mother hens me. In some regards that's kind of nice. The other side of me that's not so welcome. The side that says, "Do this yourself, pussy", he doesn't like help and generally rails against it. Although that side is getting to be a lot more quiet than it used to be. I figure it's smart enough to know it can't do this alone like we used to do things.
I also try to keep from the blog that I'm sliding downhill. To me this is supposed to be a blog about educating folks so they don't fear the process if they or a loved one gets into this situation. In my mind saying "Fuck, I'm in bad shape today" isn't inspiring. It's honest, but not much in the lines of inspiration. It also turns out that I underestimated the fact that in being 99% open, that it wasn't hard to read between the lines and people could tell when I was having a rough time and when I wasn't. So I'll kick that to the boards and I'll come right out and say, "I'm not doing well today", and hopefully have something figured out to make that a better situation. I did that yesterday. I was stuck at home, but I also got to read a bit, let my body heal up some, and got myself to the point that by late afternoon I was feeling my oats just a bit. That's always a good thing. I think that as time goes by and the end gets closer, I'm going to have few moments, and shorter lived moments, when I feel my oats. I should be reveling in those as they come along instead of wishing they were longer. That's more my style anyway. To jump on the good time and ride it into the ground. Not giving the good moments any rest until they are played completely out. I may pay a physical price for those times, but it's worth far more to me than being worn out and hacking up blood than to miss having a laugh or some fun of some kind. Even if it's just startling the piss out of my oldest daughter. She's easy that way HA! I don't know who I thought I was fooling by not being open about how I feel from day to day. It certainly isn't The Lovely, or the readers of the blog. Must have been myself, thinking "Well, what they don't know can't hurt". Except that I have very intelligent readers, and I can't pull the wool over their eyes any more than I can The Lovely. So, I'll work on that a bit.
So, here's my new game plan. To still keep a positive attitude, but be more honest and open with all of you about how things are progressing. It's all part of the process, and how am I going to impart how things are going if I'm not right there letting all the symptoms, bad and good, lead the way, right?
I'll be more open to letting my eyes leak in front of people as well. Gee, it turns out maybe they wanna share a little boo hoo with me. By walking away and not letting people share that moment with me I was being selfish. If this blog and my flight toward Terminal Velocity means anything, it should mean that we all share together, not just at my whim or fancy. Especially if people have traveled to see me. I apologize for leaving you folks sitting on Saturday. I should have stuck it out and let the eyes leak. I'll do that from now on. And believe me, I hate to fucking cry, always have and always will. So I'm gonna give that discomfort up so we can all be miserable together. How's that for a deal?
Today's marching orders!! Somewhere there's something just dying to be noticed. A sunset, a sunrise, a flower, a cute kid....something. Take the time to stop just for a second and give it a look. On our way home, light was getting low in the sky around the Canadian River valley. Beautiful. I'm glad I got to see that. And it was just aching for someone to take a long look at it. So I did . Those are your orders for today. DISMISSED
Monday, September 30, 2013
Addendum to "Back to Kansas"
Yes, you need to read "Back to Kansas" first, that's why this is an addendum
It's real short. I'm slipping a bit. I can't seem to get the energy level I once had and I exhaust a lot faster than I used to. Some times it's harder to get up. Other times I get hit with stabbing pain I'm not so sure is all muscle pain where it shows up. I feel swollen from the inside out, and my voice continues it's path down gravel lane until it has just stop working. I've got to will this stuff down for one last trip to Fort Worth next month for the Women's Team Challenge and Celtober Fest event. It's a day of throwing and companionship. Pretty much like every Highland Game I go to play. I'll get a chance, I hope, to see some of my friends in the Metroplex. And that, girls and boys, will be my last trip on this side of the grass.
Love ya
It's real short. I'm slipping a bit. I can't seem to get the energy level I once had and I exhaust a lot faster than I used to. Some times it's harder to get up. Other times I get hit with stabbing pain I'm not so sure is all muscle pain where it shows up. I feel swollen from the inside out, and my voice continues it's path down gravel lane until it has just stop working. I've got to will this stuff down for one last trip to Fort Worth next month for the Women's Team Challenge and Celtober Fest event. It's a day of throwing and companionship. Pretty much like every Highland Game I go to play. I'll get a chance, I hope, to see some of my friends in the Metroplex. And that, girls and boys, will be my last trip on this side of the grass.
Love ya
Back from Kansas
Last Thursday afternoon we headed toward Kansas for my last trip up that direction. I find I don't travel well any more. I get tired quickly and begin to hurt even faster. But, that's all okay because I was headed up to see my sister and as many people as I could before I get to the point I can't travel at all. Kate and I had a good visit, and laughed a lot. My little brother was out of town on a job interview I hope he gets. Jack Sherer, sorry I couldn't catch up with you. I was completely beaten both times we went through. There are a lot of people I would have liked to have gotten in touch with.
Spent some real quality time with Andrea and Jim Scarpelli. Old friends from way back when. The problem is, I never have enough time, and damn sure don't now. It's tough.
The entire trip was so I could attend the McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games. It's one of my favorite, and it was my next to last game I competed in last year, and my next to last I'll attend this year. I wanted to go up there too, so I could catch up with a few of my friends in Kansas. The sad thing is, I saw them, but I couldn't spend time like I wanted to with each of them. I'd sit for a minute, then my eyes would start to leak, and I'd have to get up and move around. I'm a big sissy. Even with the social networks, text messages, and every other form of communication, it's the last time I'll be able to touch a hand, give a hug, or slap knees laughing with those folks. On one hand I was so excited when they started to walk up, and on the other it was like a little bit of crushing my heart. It might even have been different if I could speak well enough to truly say what I felt. It's not the same to me writing down what I want to say, it seemed awfully cold to me to have to write and leave it on paper. I can't add the feelings in that I can if I can talk with each person. I spoke with my in laws, and I hope that bridge got fixed a bit. I'd hate to go out thinking I was such a stubborn ass I couldn't bring myself to reconcile just a bit with my father in law. It was also a time to reconnect with my other family. The athletes of the Highland Games.
I spent a lot of time up and down and running from one end of the field to another for handshakes, hugs and claps on the back. I know a lot of the folks, but this year the field was huge and a lot of new faces I didn't recognize. That's great, too. They need some new faces on the field. It's a great sport filled to the brim with great people. I got to explain, in writing of course, how the events work and how difficult they are to some of the folks that came to visit. And again, I'm sorry I couldn't spend more time with you, it just was too much at times for the old man to handle. So, I'm watching, and Liz is visiting with friends and all seems well with the world. I wrote a short thank you note to the field of athletes and the crowd. Mac has been a part of me for the last 10 years, and this is the first and last year I won't be able to compete. The note went something like this:
"This is my last trip to Kansas, I've been diagnosed as terminal. This festival and games are one of my favorite, not just because I get the chance to get back to my old stomping grounds and see some of my home state, but also because of the people here. It's always been a great place to come throw. The athletes are great, the AD's are wonderful and the weather has always cooperated.
So, I'd like to thank Dave and Gunnar Glasgow, and Larry and Terri Ventress for putting on a great games. I'd like to thank the Athletes who make this a fun place to come compete. You've always been helpful and are super and what we do, thanks. And to the audience, with out the cheering and applause the games wouldn't be near as fun. Thank all of you"
That's not it exactly, but it's close. Francis Brebner, a World Champion athlete and the announcer couldn't make it through the entire thing, Dave Glasgow finished for him. I cheated, I said I needed something out of the car and I walked. I don't think I could have handled it myself. I believe there were a lot of leaking eyes, from what I hear anyway.
As the day went on I got to see and speak with a lot of folks, which was the crux of the trip to begin with. I don't think everyone will ever know how much that meant to me. They travelled some to be there and spend a few minutes of time with me. That's humbling and an honor, and I was thrilled. Even if I tried not to show it. You know, Joe Cool and all. After the games on Saturday I got to spend time with my brother in law Carl and his wife Janice and family. They are nice folks. Nephew Josh is pretty cool and his girlfriend is just a peach. She's a real sweet heart. One of the athletes rented us a room out of his ass pocket, something I wasn't expecting, but was very thankful I got the room. Andy Stout, you're a peach, brother. We sat and took up space in Freddy's Frozen Yogurt and Steakburger place for a couple of hours. Once again, not enough time. I was flat exhausted. Still, it took a while to fall asleep. Weird how that works isn't it? So hard to stay awake, lie down and wide awake. Weird.
Sunday rolls around and Liz and I eat a bit and go to the field again, just so I could see some of the Master's division athletes, and say goodbye to anyone I missed the day before. Liz went shopping and I watched the guys throw, all the while wishing I could be out there as well, laughing and throwing heavy shit through the air. (Sigh) it was not to be on that day. I have to back up a bit. I did pitch the sheaf twice on Saturday, much to the anger of my back, shoulders and neck. Oh man, that felt great.
Let us then summarize. I saw Terri Ventress break two of her own World Record marks. And she can probably break weight over bar by the end of the throwing season. She's not only and wonderful athlete, but along with her husband, great friends. As I was leaving Sunday, Dave Glasgow got the mike from Francis. "I need to stop the games for just a minute. Rocky Smith is leaving. He's been coming here for 10 years and this will be his last time to leave the field. Let's cheer him out."
Thanks Dave, you made my eyes leak. But then again, so did Larry Ventress and a couple of other people on my way out. Great folks. I've been telling people that about the Highland Games for 10 years. It's not just the competition, it's the people associated with the Games that make them special.
I'm going to miss each and every one of you. It was an emotionally trying time for me, but I'd do it again tomorrow if they asked me.
Have fun today, be out there doing what you love to do. If you don't love it, find something you will. Life's too damn short to spend it wishing you'd down something else with you life. No excuses, hut get it going your direction
Spent some real quality time with Andrea and Jim Scarpelli. Old friends from way back when. The problem is, I never have enough time, and damn sure don't now. It's tough.
The entire trip was so I could attend the McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games. It's one of my favorite, and it was my next to last game I competed in last year, and my next to last I'll attend this year. I wanted to go up there too, so I could catch up with a few of my friends in Kansas. The sad thing is, I saw them, but I couldn't spend time like I wanted to with each of them. I'd sit for a minute, then my eyes would start to leak, and I'd have to get up and move around. I'm a big sissy. Even with the social networks, text messages, and every other form of communication, it's the last time I'll be able to touch a hand, give a hug, or slap knees laughing with those folks. On one hand I was so excited when they started to walk up, and on the other it was like a little bit of crushing my heart. It might even have been different if I could speak well enough to truly say what I felt. It's not the same to me writing down what I want to say, it seemed awfully cold to me to have to write and leave it on paper. I can't add the feelings in that I can if I can talk with each person. I spoke with my in laws, and I hope that bridge got fixed a bit. I'd hate to go out thinking I was such a stubborn ass I couldn't bring myself to reconcile just a bit with my father in law. It was also a time to reconnect with my other family. The athletes of the Highland Games.
I spent a lot of time up and down and running from one end of the field to another for handshakes, hugs and claps on the back. I know a lot of the folks, but this year the field was huge and a lot of new faces I didn't recognize. That's great, too. They need some new faces on the field. It's a great sport filled to the brim with great people. I got to explain, in writing of course, how the events work and how difficult they are to some of the folks that came to visit. And again, I'm sorry I couldn't spend more time with you, it just was too much at times for the old man to handle. So, I'm watching, and Liz is visiting with friends and all seems well with the world. I wrote a short thank you note to the field of athletes and the crowd. Mac has been a part of me for the last 10 years, and this is the first and last year I won't be able to compete. The note went something like this:
"This is my last trip to Kansas, I've been diagnosed as terminal. This festival and games are one of my favorite, not just because I get the chance to get back to my old stomping grounds and see some of my home state, but also because of the people here. It's always been a great place to come throw. The athletes are great, the AD's are wonderful and the weather has always cooperated.
So, I'd like to thank Dave and Gunnar Glasgow, and Larry and Terri Ventress for putting on a great games. I'd like to thank the Athletes who make this a fun place to come compete. You've always been helpful and are super and what we do, thanks. And to the audience, with out the cheering and applause the games wouldn't be near as fun. Thank all of you"
That's not it exactly, but it's close. Francis Brebner, a World Champion athlete and the announcer couldn't make it through the entire thing, Dave Glasgow finished for him. I cheated, I said I needed something out of the car and I walked. I don't think I could have handled it myself. I believe there were a lot of leaking eyes, from what I hear anyway.
As the day went on I got to see and speak with a lot of folks, which was the crux of the trip to begin with. I don't think everyone will ever know how much that meant to me. They travelled some to be there and spend a few minutes of time with me. That's humbling and an honor, and I was thrilled. Even if I tried not to show it. You know, Joe Cool and all. After the games on Saturday I got to spend time with my brother in law Carl and his wife Janice and family. They are nice folks. Nephew Josh is pretty cool and his girlfriend is just a peach. She's a real sweet heart. One of the athletes rented us a room out of his ass pocket, something I wasn't expecting, but was very thankful I got the room. Andy Stout, you're a peach, brother. We sat and took up space in Freddy's Frozen Yogurt and Steakburger place for a couple of hours. Once again, not enough time. I was flat exhausted. Still, it took a while to fall asleep. Weird how that works isn't it? So hard to stay awake, lie down and wide awake. Weird.
Sunday rolls around and Liz and I eat a bit and go to the field again, just so I could see some of the Master's division athletes, and say goodbye to anyone I missed the day before. Liz went shopping and I watched the guys throw, all the while wishing I could be out there as well, laughing and throwing heavy shit through the air. (Sigh) it was not to be on that day. I have to back up a bit. I did pitch the sheaf twice on Saturday, much to the anger of my back, shoulders and neck. Oh man, that felt great.
Let us then summarize. I saw Terri Ventress break two of her own World Record marks. And she can probably break weight over bar by the end of the throwing season. She's not only and wonderful athlete, but along with her husband, great friends. As I was leaving Sunday, Dave Glasgow got the mike from Francis. "I need to stop the games for just a minute. Rocky Smith is leaving. He's been coming here for 10 years and this will be his last time to leave the field. Let's cheer him out."
Thanks Dave, you made my eyes leak. But then again, so did Larry Ventress and a couple of other people on my way out. Great folks. I've been telling people that about the Highland Games for 10 years. It's not just the competition, it's the people associated with the Games that make them special.
I'm going to miss each and every one of you. It was an emotionally trying time for me, but I'd do it again tomorrow if they asked me.
Have fun today, be out there doing what you love to do. If you don't love it, find something you will. Life's too damn short to spend it wishing you'd down something else with you life. No excuses, hut get it going your direction
Thursday, September 26, 2013
So I skipped yesterday
I skipped a post yesterday, mostly because I didn't do anything special or nothing was going on the day before that was worthy. Other than I slept six straight hours. That's a good thing. Not so lucky this morning. About four and I was awakened with some real mucus issues. I hate those. I also suspect they are only going to get worse as time wears on.
So, anyway, I'm up yesterday and feeling pretty good. It's a nice thing to feel good enough to go for a walk and not have it stop short. I made my mile. Not much, but it's a bit of an accomplishment. And it's good for me to get out and about. Most of the stuff I take makes me a little sun sensitive. I also can't wait for a cop to stop me at 5 AM and ask what I'm doing out. I can't speak well, and I'm sure as hell not taking along a note book, since I'm already carting along the portable suction. I'll sound like some Wookie, and have to fish out my license. They've stopped me before at 4 AM for dumping my trash out of my truck into the dumpster. "We are looking for a thief". Yes, because a thief always drives a vehicle with a company name plastered on both doors and the tail gate, and hangs out near dumpsters in a lit alleyway. Of course, how foolish of me. It's also nice because I feel well enough to kind of mess with the daughter when she is working. She's easy to sneak up on, and she jumps well. A lot of time I don't feel like getting up and doing anything, let alone torment my kid.
I cooked too. I like to cook. It's relaxing for me, and the kids almost always like what I fix. Almost. I'm cooking away the other day, using some baby spinach in a couple of things, and it dawned on me how well I like the smell and taste of fresh spinach over that canned crap. I even remarked to my wife why we didn't cook more with the baby spinach when I was well enough to eat. Neither one of us had a good answer. We have some apples. And they were starting to get a little soft. I hated a soft apple when I was healthy, so it bugs me that they were going soft and probably would get thrown out. So I fried a few up, added a little brown sugar, and as that started to cook down, added a little whiskey and lit it up. Flambe' is cool looking, so cool in fact that I had the youngest daughter torch it for me. All that cooked down and made a nice glaze. That was Tuesday night. I made another batch Wednesday morning and had the oldest light the whiskey. It's fun to watch the unsuspecting light up a pan. The little jump and big eyes are fun. We decided that it would go great on ice cream while the apples and glaze were still warm. Later in the day I used some "dog house" potatoes that were left over and made a nice potato soup for the wife and kid. Not much of that left over either. I've been asked if smelling the food cook is torture. No, it's not. In fact it's one of the few things I still get a lot of pleasure out of being around. It's the aroma, and watching people enjoy a good meal. It's a comforting memory. I can't remember a damn thing we talked about on January 21, 2013, but I remember everything I ate and drank. It's odd, yet kind of neat. I've not had anything solid to eat since January 22, 2013. I miss a good snack and meal.
Today I'm getting ready for Liz and I to head to McPherson, Ks. for the Scottish Festival and Highland Games. This is the next to last game I threw in, and will be the next to last games I attend. It's one of three games I didn't miss even when I was injured. I'd volunteer to help. There's a lot of fun to be had there. Mac is a good venue, it's a big crowd for the size of the town, and they really get into the cheering and yelling for the athletes. That's nice, and it's fun to be around. I'm writing a little something today and I'm going to see if they'll let the announcer read it for me at lunch while the guys and girls are on break. Just a little something to express my gratitude and feelings about being able to spend my time with all the folks there. I'm going to see my sister as well. My brother is off at a job interview that I hope he nails down. We are going to scrounge up some pics of me for the memorial and viewing. That should be good for a few laughs. Always was when I was healthy, should be more so now. These are a series of last things to do, before I move on and see what new things there are to do on the next plane of existence. That should be a huge adventure. Not that I'm really wanting to rush into that, but only that it's going to be an extension of me, just in another form. I'm hoping the trip doesn't wear me completely out. I've only got one more, and then it's pretty much ride it out being a homebody
I got an unexpected and truly welcome text yesterday. It seems a buddy of mine from the Highland Games is in town doing some business and wanted to catch up for a couple of hours. Kyle Fuller, he's good people, and better company. He's just good to hang out with. It had to write a lot, since I'm harder to understand now than I was two weeks ago even and at that I wasn't easy to understand. So we chatted it up for about 2 hours. It's just nice to be able to see some of the folks I like and don't get to see often. Kyle and I were in Houston the same time last January and had a nice visit and meal one evening. Those are things I'll look back upon and really be able to say "Damn, that was a good day". It gets added into the long long list of good days. Even my worst day has some good in it somewhere. I like the little things like just sitting and having a visit over a lot of really complicated things. Simple is always much better
So, today let's all find something we didn't know about, and learn something about it. Kyle mentioned taking odd routes to different highland games. Finding small towns and stuff, and reading up a little bit on them. I've done that as well. It's fun, and nothing is wrong with wanting to grow your mind a little bit. It will steel it up for any hard times that one might run into later. As my Great Granny Wilson used to say "An idle mind is the devil's playground".
Have fun this weekend. I'll try and keep up with all the goings on
So, anyway, I'm up yesterday and feeling pretty good. It's a nice thing to feel good enough to go for a walk and not have it stop short. I made my mile. Not much, but it's a bit of an accomplishment. And it's good for me to get out and about. Most of the stuff I take makes me a little sun sensitive. I also can't wait for a cop to stop me at 5 AM and ask what I'm doing out. I can't speak well, and I'm sure as hell not taking along a note book, since I'm already carting along the portable suction. I'll sound like some Wookie, and have to fish out my license. They've stopped me before at 4 AM for dumping my trash out of my truck into the dumpster. "We are looking for a thief". Yes, because a thief always drives a vehicle with a company name plastered on both doors and the tail gate, and hangs out near dumpsters in a lit alleyway. Of course, how foolish of me. It's also nice because I feel well enough to kind of mess with the daughter when she is working. She's easy to sneak up on, and she jumps well. A lot of time I don't feel like getting up and doing anything, let alone torment my kid.
I cooked too. I like to cook. It's relaxing for me, and the kids almost always like what I fix. Almost. I'm cooking away the other day, using some baby spinach in a couple of things, and it dawned on me how well I like the smell and taste of fresh spinach over that canned crap. I even remarked to my wife why we didn't cook more with the baby spinach when I was well enough to eat. Neither one of us had a good answer. We have some apples. And they were starting to get a little soft. I hated a soft apple when I was healthy, so it bugs me that they were going soft and probably would get thrown out. So I fried a few up, added a little brown sugar, and as that started to cook down, added a little whiskey and lit it up. Flambe' is cool looking, so cool in fact that I had the youngest daughter torch it for me. All that cooked down and made a nice glaze. That was Tuesday night. I made another batch Wednesday morning and had the oldest light the whiskey. It's fun to watch the unsuspecting light up a pan. The little jump and big eyes are fun. We decided that it would go great on ice cream while the apples and glaze were still warm. Later in the day I used some "dog house" potatoes that were left over and made a nice potato soup for the wife and kid. Not much of that left over either. I've been asked if smelling the food cook is torture. No, it's not. In fact it's one of the few things I still get a lot of pleasure out of being around. It's the aroma, and watching people enjoy a good meal. It's a comforting memory. I can't remember a damn thing we talked about on January 21, 2013, but I remember everything I ate and drank. It's odd, yet kind of neat. I've not had anything solid to eat since January 22, 2013. I miss a good snack and meal.
Today I'm getting ready for Liz and I to head to McPherson, Ks. for the Scottish Festival and Highland Games. This is the next to last game I threw in, and will be the next to last games I attend. It's one of three games I didn't miss even when I was injured. I'd volunteer to help. There's a lot of fun to be had there. Mac is a good venue, it's a big crowd for the size of the town, and they really get into the cheering and yelling for the athletes. That's nice, and it's fun to be around. I'm writing a little something today and I'm going to see if they'll let the announcer read it for me at lunch while the guys and girls are on break. Just a little something to express my gratitude and feelings about being able to spend my time with all the folks there. I'm going to see my sister as well. My brother is off at a job interview that I hope he nails down. We are going to scrounge up some pics of me for the memorial and viewing. That should be good for a few laughs. Always was when I was healthy, should be more so now. These are a series of last things to do, before I move on and see what new things there are to do on the next plane of existence. That should be a huge adventure. Not that I'm really wanting to rush into that, but only that it's going to be an extension of me, just in another form. I'm hoping the trip doesn't wear me completely out. I've only got one more, and then it's pretty much ride it out being a homebody
I got an unexpected and truly welcome text yesterday. It seems a buddy of mine from the Highland Games is in town doing some business and wanted to catch up for a couple of hours. Kyle Fuller, he's good people, and better company. He's just good to hang out with. It had to write a lot, since I'm harder to understand now than I was two weeks ago even and at that I wasn't easy to understand. So we chatted it up for about 2 hours. It's just nice to be able to see some of the folks I like and don't get to see often. Kyle and I were in Houston the same time last January and had a nice visit and meal one evening. Those are things I'll look back upon and really be able to say "Damn, that was a good day". It gets added into the long long list of good days. Even my worst day has some good in it somewhere. I like the little things like just sitting and having a visit over a lot of really complicated things. Simple is always much better
So, today let's all find something we didn't know about, and learn something about it. Kyle mentioned taking odd routes to different highland games. Finding small towns and stuff, and reading up a little bit on them. I've done that as well. It's fun, and nothing is wrong with wanting to grow your mind a little bit. It will steel it up for any hard times that one might run into later. As my Great Granny Wilson used to say "An idle mind is the devil's playground".
Have fun this weekend. I'll try and keep up with all the goings on
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Up and at em Atom...yeah, what ever
Sleep eluded me last night. Mental note to self. Until it becomes absolutely necessary, no napping in the afternoon, regardless of how badly you feel. Sleep at night, play during the day. Back in the old days, it was sleep a little at night, play during the day and night both. Wow, that's been a long time ago since I've been able to do that. My how the mighty have fallen! HA!
Interesting day yesterday. I woke up, did the morning constitutional, went for a walk and came home. Wow, did I mention stomach cramps started about 5 minutes after I sat down? No? Why yes they did. I am not certain what it was. Theories range from "OOOOO! That aloe water is a cleanser! I shoulda put a warning label on that!" to my favorite"Who the hell knows why?". I learned a new version of the Green Apple Quick Step. So it wasn't an entire loss. But it did wear me clear out. Hence the big nap at 2 PM. And why I'm still awake now. Go figgar.
We were setting around talking about insurance last night. My wife's hospital will no longer carry spouses on their insurance. Obamacare has seen to that with the increase in expense. She's checking on dependents. Some win for the entire nation, and I told people it was going to be a load of shit from the get go. So much for getting what you wish for, right kids? Anyway, I digress. We were talking about that and I flippantly said "I need to be dead by then". Stares of total disbelief, and shock. Sarah says "But we don't want you to die". Strangely enough, me either, but that's not reality. So, my six year old grandson chimes in with "When your dad dies, that's it, game over". I, of course, cracked up. I mean, physically he's correct. And for all the speculation, I don't think anyone knows for sure about the after life. I have promised, if I'm able, to at least let some folks know what goes on and how it is. If I ask for hot dogs and sticks, because we roast down here, it wasn't as I had planned. And THAT should stir some folks up. And to them I would say, "Relax, have a good time. When the time comes that we can't kid about ourselves, it's time to hang it up anyway."
Later I asked him if I could come back and hang out for a while. He read that and looked at me all serious, "No. Because when you're dead, you don't want to do anything anyway". That made a lot of sense. And as my friend Barry said on FaceBook "Heck, I don't want to do anything and I'm still kicking!". To that I can relate as well. I think we all sweat what's coming because we simply aren't certain of what's next. What if it's truly the big nothing? What if there really is hell? And more frightening I think...What if we are really judged? Some folks will claim they know, but that's more a hope, I believe. So, I'm going to let the young man, when he's old enough to understand, decide what he believes. This, BTW, is not open for debate. Everyone is allowed to believe what they wish around me, and I don't criticize or ask for any explanation from them. So today, this topic is closed as of this sentence. Sorry, gang, but it got damn ugly last time, and I won't stand for anymore of that from any person.
Why some people are so fearful of death is beyond me. It's the tail end of life. Anyone born is going to die at some point or another. And I find that the kids are generally the most accepting of that. Is it because they haven't seen it closely enough? Maybe that is it. Kids have pets die though, while it's sad, I think they also see that life didn't stop, that it goes on. So, being the adaptable little devils they are, they just move on and keep going forward. More adults should do that. I will, however, make exception with the death of a child. I don't think that's something I could handle well. And I thank my lucky stars that I never did have to deal with it. For my friends who have, God bless you, you're strong people. We are all getting older. In another 10-15 years we are all going to see a big increase in the number of people we know who are going to pass on to the next big adventure. We should all be bracing ourselves for that, because it's as inevitable as the rising of the sun. And how we treat death, says much about how we live, I think. I figure we should grieve for ourselves, which we do I think. We should also celebrate the life of the departed. How? By being better than the person the wanted up to be. Live our lives, not just get by with material things, but really live it. Get the wind in your hair, eat something you never have tried (for me, chocolate grasshoppers just didn't cut it. Calf fries, on the other hand, done correctly, are damn hard to turn down). If you're not happy with your lot in life, change it. If it's a money thing, find something that pays more. If it's something you love doing, money shouldn't be that big an issue, should it?
I would have sworn, yesterday, that things really are moving along faster than I, or the doctors, expected. Now I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm sleep deprived, sure. But that I can fix. I still feel weird, but all over weird, not just centralized weird. That may mean some kind of bug. Who knows? This I do know, I don't have the stamina, or energy I did a month ago. I can feel it in my legs. They get rubbery way too fast. And that makes me tired. Very tired.
Okay, this is my last trip to Kansas. There won't be anymore any time, any place. Unless I go in an urn. That being said, the "Last Meet And Greet of Rock's Life" will be at the Lake Park in McPherson Kansas, Saturday September 28 during The McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games. I've got to write a little something for the AD's, athletes, and crowd for these guys. I would have for Arlington, but I had high hopes of surviving when I was at those.
It'll be a tough one to write. I'm gonna miss everyone there.
So, as I work on getting myself ready for what I swore I wouldn't do, nap during the day, here are your marching orders.
Book of Rock, Chapter 45, verse 135. "Throw down or sit down, I'm tired of your mouth". That's how you should treat your life. It's a struggle sometimes, don't let it scare you into setting down.
Interesting day yesterday. I woke up, did the morning constitutional, went for a walk and came home. Wow, did I mention stomach cramps started about 5 minutes after I sat down? No? Why yes they did. I am not certain what it was. Theories range from "OOOOO! That aloe water is a cleanser! I shoulda put a warning label on that!" to my favorite"Who the hell knows why?". I learned a new version of the Green Apple Quick Step. So it wasn't an entire loss. But it did wear me clear out. Hence the big nap at 2 PM. And why I'm still awake now. Go figgar.
We were setting around talking about insurance last night. My wife's hospital will no longer carry spouses on their insurance. Obamacare has seen to that with the increase in expense. She's checking on dependents. Some win for the entire nation, and I told people it was going to be a load of shit from the get go. So much for getting what you wish for, right kids? Anyway, I digress. We were talking about that and I flippantly said "I need to be dead by then". Stares of total disbelief, and shock. Sarah says "But we don't want you to die". Strangely enough, me either, but that's not reality. So, my six year old grandson chimes in with "When your dad dies, that's it, game over". I, of course, cracked up. I mean, physically he's correct. And for all the speculation, I don't think anyone knows for sure about the after life. I have promised, if I'm able, to at least let some folks know what goes on and how it is. If I ask for hot dogs and sticks, because we roast down here, it wasn't as I had planned. And THAT should stir some folks up. And to them I would say, "Relax, have a good time. When the time comes that we can't kid about ourselves, it's time to hang it up anyway."
Later I asked him if I could come back and hang out for a while. He read that and looked at me all serious, "No. Because when you're dead, you don't want to do anything anyway". That made a lot of sense. And as my friend Barry said on FaceBook "Heck, I don't want to do anything and I'm still kicking!". To that I can relate as well. I think we all sweat what's coming because we simply aren't certain of what's next. What if it's truly the big nothing? What if there really is hell? And more frightening I think...What if we are really judged? Some folks will claim they know, but that's more a hope, I believe. So, I'm going to let the young man, when he's old enough to understand, decide what he believes. This, BTW, is not open for debate. Everyone is allowed to believe what they wish around me, and I don't criticize or ask for any explanation from them. So today, this topic is closed as of this sentence. Sorry, gang, but it got damn ugly last time, and I won't stand for anymore of that from any person.
Why some people are so fearful of death is beyond me. It's the tail end of life. Anyone born is going to die at some point or another. And I find that the kids are generally the most accepting of that. Is it because they haven't seen it closely enough? Maybe that is it. Kids have pets die though, while it's sad, I think they also see that life didn't stop, that it goes on. So, being the adaptable little devils they are, they just move on and keep going forward. More adults should do that. I will, however, make exception with the death of a child. I don't think that's something I could handle well. And I thank my lucky stars that I never did have to deal with it. For my friends who have, God bless you, you're strong people. We are all getting older. In another 10-15 years we are all going to see a big increase in the number of people we know who are going to pass on to the next big adventure. We should all be bracing ourselves for that, because it's as inevitable as the rising of the sun. And how we treat death, says much about how we live, I think. I figure we should grieve for ourselves, which we do I think. We should also celebrate the life of the departed. How? By being better than the person the wanted up to be. Live our lives, not just get by with material things, but really live it. Get the wind in your hair, eat something you never have tried (for me, chocolate grasshoppers just didn't cut it. Calf fries, on the other hand, done correctly, are damn hard to turn down). If you're not happy with your lot in life, change it. If it's a money thing, find something that pays more. If it's something you love doing, money shouldn't be that big an issue, should it?
I would have sworn, yesterday, that things really are moving along faster than I, or the doctors, expected. Now I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm sleep deprived, sure. But that I can fix. I still feel weird, but all over weird, not just centralized weird. That may mean some kind of bug. Who knows? This I do know, I don't have the stamina, or energy I did a month ago. I can feel it in my legs. They get rubbery way too fast. And that makes me tired. Very tired.
Okay, this is my last trip to Kansas. There won't be anymore any time, any place. Unless I go in an urn. That being said, the "Last Meet And Greet of Rock's Life" will be at the Lake Park in McPherson Kansas, Saturday September 28 during The McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games. I've got to write a little something for the AD's, athletes, and crowd for these guys. I would have for Arlington, but I had high hopes of surviving when I was at those.
It'll be a tough one to write. I'm gonna miss everyone there.
So, as I work on getting myself ready for what I swore I wouldn't do, nap during the day, here are your marching orders.
Book of Rock, Chapter 45, verse 135. "Throw down or sit down, I'm tired of your mouth". That's how you should treat your life. It's a struggle sometimes, don't let it scare you into setting down.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Catch up
So, I skip a day here and there, yesterday was no exception. I was sore, muscle wise, and it seemed clear into my bones sore and tired. So I sat on my butt, feed, did the med thing, took more of the "break through pain" med than I have for a few days, and played a video game. I really wasn't up to anything but sit. I did make The Lovely breakfast, and I may fix supper tonight. I've got some things I need to use before they go bad. It's even getting to be a pain in the ass to cook. Gotta have extra's with me just so I can stand and do the cooking thing for any length of time.
Saturday was great. Pretty weather to start. Felt pretty decent. Gave the Lovely a smooch. Then went to watch the Hospital softball team play. Lovely is on the team, but doesn't play. She sacrificed a shoulder and both calves to the game, that seemed to be enough for her. They wore the jersey's that one of the co-workers designed and printed. Fluorescent Green with boxing gloves and "Rock's Team, We're all in Rocky's corner" on the front. Pretty cool. No, very fucking cool, actually. A show of support for Lovely and me. Not that others haven't been doing that too, this was nearly her entire department behind this little event. That's a lot of folks. And they support not only me, but Lovely. She needs support too. Everyone's wife/husband/shack up/love of their life needs support when one of the people they love is dying. I wrote them a nice from the heart note that ended "Dying sucks, but it's a lot easier if you get a cool shirt out of the deal". That's not all I wrote. I let them know how they had left me speechless, and how my normally over confident self was left feeling pretty damn humble. I had a good time. Watching the everyone play, visiting with Lovely's boss. That takes a lot of writing. Lovely can't get much of what I say now, unless I swear. So everyone else can catch less than she does, except for when I swear. Some people get really upset with swearing. I only get upset if it's not used in proper context, and somewhat creatively. I did have to have some extra pain killer during the day, but not like I thought I might. That evening, however, was a different story.
The trip to Kansas this weekend is going to be tougher than I thought it would be just over a month ago. I tire pretty quickly, and I need a place I can lean back a bit and take the pressure off my neck and shoulders. That's pretty easy when we drive. We can share that, and I can rest a bit at a time. Won't work that way on the field. I'll have to find a shady tree out of range of the long throwers and beg a place to stretch out on my backpack. I've done it before and can do it again. It's important to me to go, although some people have doubted my resolve the last week or so. This is going to be my last time up there. I like the state, just can't make the same money up there that I can here. Texas has been very good to me. I'm glad I learned to live with the seasons, unlike the guys here that freeze to death, or shut down in the wind. Certainly a different oil field that when I started, and in most cases that's a good thing. It's the last time I'll see old friends from my youth (I hope several can make it) and the newer friends I've made in the last ten years being a mediocre athlete. All of them are like extended family. I'm giving away my sheaf fork as well. It's really old and was given to me by a great guy and damn fine athlete. It deserves to go be used, and not just set in my garage. If they'll let me, I'm going to have the announcer at the McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games read a little something for the athletes and the AD's. They deserve a little shout out, because I say they do. This trip, and one more will be it for me. Going to the Celtober Women's Team Challenge, and Celtober Throw Down in Fort Worth are going to be my last two trips that far away. I have the feeling that's all I'm going to want as far as travel goes. The last trip to Houston wore my ass out, and that was almost 2 months ago. These may well lay me up for a couple of weeks. They'll be worth it, though
I was hoping that being tired quickly would come along much later than it has, and now I'm having to work around that, instead of just barreling through like I normally would. It seems to take more time to get back to feeling half human than it did. I'm going for a walk as soon as this is finished, and catch some of that early morning air. That rejuvenates me better than a lot of things. It wears me out, but it's the good kind. At least it's muscle weary instead of just fried because I don't have the energy I once did. So, this is going to be a short blog.
Ya'll have fun and do something I wanna do
Saturday was great. Pretty weather to start. Felt pretty decent. Gave the Lovely a smooch. Then went to watch the Hospital softball team play. Lovely is on the team, but doesn't play. She sacrificed a shoulder and both calves to the game, that seemed to be enough for her. They wore the jersey's that one of the co-workers designed and printed. Fluorescent Green with boxing gloves and "Rock's Team, We're all in Rocky's corner" on the front. Pretty cool. No, very fucking cool, actually. A show of support for Lovely and me. Not that others haven't been doing that too, this was nearly her entire department behind this little event. That's a lot of folks. And they support not only me, but Lovely. She needs support too. Everyone's wife/husband/shack up/love of their life needs support when one of the people they love is dying. I wrote them a nice from the heart note that ended "Dying sucks, but it's a lot easier if you get a cool shirt out of the deal". That's not all I wrote. I let them know how they had left me speechless, and how my normally over confident self was left feeling pretty damn humble. I had a good time. Watching the everyone play, visiting with Lovely's boss. That takes a lot of writing. Lovely can't get much of what I say now, unless I swear. So everyone else can catch less than she does, except for when I swear. Some people get really upset with swearing. I only get upset if it's not used in proper context, and somewhat creatively. I did have to have some extra pain killer during the day, but not like I thought I might. That evening, however, was a different story.
The trip to Kansas this weekend is going to be tougher than I thought it would be just over a month ago. I tire pretty quickly, and I need a place I can lean back a bit and take the pressure off my neck and shoulders. That's pretty easy when we drive. We can share that, and I can rest a bit at a time. Won't work that way on the field. I'll have to find a shady tree out of range of the long throwers and beg a place to stretch out on my backpack. I've done it before and can do it again. It's important to me to go, although some people have doubted my resolve the last week or so. This is going to be my last time up there. I like the state, just can't make the same money up there that I can here. Texas has been very good to me. I'm glad I learned to live with the seasons, unlike the guys here that freeze to death, or shut down in the wind. Certainly a different oil field that when I started, and in most cases that's a good thing. It's the last time I'll see old friends from my youth (I hope several can make it) and the newer friends I've made in the last ten years being a mediocre athlete. All of them are like extended family. I'm giving away my sheaf fork as well. It's really old and was given to me by a great guy and damn fine athlete. It deserves to go be used, and not just set in my garage. If they'll let me, I'm going to have the announcer at the McPherson Scottish Festival and Highland Games read a little something for the athletes and the AD's. They deserve a little shout out, because I say they do. This trip, and one more will be it for me. Going to the Celtober Women's Team Challenge, and Celtober Throw Down in Fort Worth are going to be my last two trips that far away. I have the feeling that's all I'm going to want as far as travel goes. The last trip to Houston wore my ass out, and that was almost 2 months ago. These may well lay me up for a couple of weeks. They'll be worth it, though
I was hoping that being tired quickly would come along much later than it has, and now I'm having to work around that, instead of just barreling through like I normally would. It seems to take more time to get back to feeling half human than it did. I'm going for a walk as soon as this is finished, and catch some of that early morning air. That rejuvenates me better than a lot of things. It wears me out, but it's the good kind. At least it's muscle weary instead of just fried because I don't have the energy I once did. So, this is going to be a short blog.
Ya'll have fun and do something I wanna do
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